My Boy and his Garden

 

 

It’s been a while…that seems to be a common intro to my blogs of late, but life is busy.  Life is full. Life is great.

I finally have more job satisfaction that I can shake a stick at (and am really working on making that a permanent state of affairs rather than just a one-off! Oh the life of a freelancer hey!).  I feel like I am starting to get somewhere with this balance of work and life malarkey at long last and I am so proud of and delighted with our cottage, especially our garden now that Spring has sprung, and am more in love than ever with both of my boys. The husband for his awesome building and gardening ideas and skills, and for simply being my rock and best friend (this is going to be a bit of a soppy blog I think so just roll with it, or roll your eyes, I won’t be offended). And of course, my gorgeous little bundle of joy, my boy, my Paddington, for being an absolute legend and for teaching me so much as he learns about the world and his place in it.  (The world, by the way, is very lucky to have Pads in it as he brings the fun and I reckon he is going to be one heck of an adult human when he grows up!)

He makes my day every day.  Watching him grow and develop and learn is such an honour and a privilege and 100% the best job/role/responsibility I have ever had.  I feel so lucky to have him in my life and he makes my life better.  I love being part of, and also chief witness, to my boy’s on-going discoveries of the world around him and he helps me to slow down and see the world through his eyes, and the world looks really exciting and fun and beautiful and ripe for the exploring from where Pads is standing!

He is a sponge at the moment, soaking up new words, experiences and learnings every day. And he constantly amazes me with the speed he picks new things up at.  Take his words for instance, he has always been a chatterer, mostly a lot of gobbledly gook, but earlier this year proper words began forming and now he is really playing with new words, confident with his favourite ones and practicing ones that catch his attention the most every day. (‘No’ is one that he is very definite about and he has grasped the power and effectiveness of this particular word very quickly!)

We do have to watch what we say around him from now on though, and crucially how we say them too, as he loves to repeat and is starting to appreciate what words are the most fun to say, and have the most impact, or garner the best reaction from us – and we all know which words they are!

It’s fascinating to hear what words or phrases resonate with him the most.  We have been in the garden a lot over the past couple of months so his favourite words of late are ‘dig’. ‘garden’, ‘water’ and thanks to the hubby’s amazing pizza oven building skills, ‘fire’.  He probably says these words at least 20 times a day.   He has also picked up ‘fowa’, for flower, which I am very proud of, or sometimes he just points to flowers and says ‘mummy’ (ah, that’s my boy!).

The other day we were playing with his cars and trucks, and I happened to say the seemingly banal statement: ‘the truck is in the way’. Well, this phrase has stuck and Pads has run with it.  He says it over and over in succession, proudly uttering his first formed sentence with gusto.  It might not be an overly useful one, (unless he goes into traffic management or something) but it’s a super cute one, and I swear that he swapped the ‘truck’ for ‘car is in the way’ the other day, when I was reversing the car and there was a car in the way, which would make him a child genius surely?!

His manners are progressing well, with ‘pwease’, and ‘cank-oo’ sinking in slowly but surely.  I have always wanted a well-mannered, polite son, the kind that will have people nodding and aahing and saying ‘that Paddington is such a lovely young lad’ to their friends, so this is an excellent start my boy.

He runs with confidence now too, enjoys a sort of skip and spin around the garden often, is learning to ‘scoot’ on his scooter, is very proud of having his own little orange garden chair, and is learning to manage his new beautiful wooden balance bike (an early birthday present from us as we just couldn’t wait to see him on it any longer!). He also loves to go on the ‘wee’, which is not the toilet as you may think, but a slide of course!  We have one in the garden (thanks Aunty Lorna!) and aside from digging, it is his favourite thing to do, which is brilliant as it gets us all outside in the fresh Welsh air regularly.

He is a joy to be around. Laughing more often than not, with a cheeky twinkle in his eye that makes me proud, and with an infectiously playful outlook on life.  He has made me appreciate the little things in life in such a way that my quality of life has increased massively despite not having as much money or time or freedom to do as I please as I once did. My regular activities and outings have become much simpler, less flashy or impressive I guess (no more eating out several times a week at the latest restaurant opening, or going to cool concerts and theatre shows – for now at least!). But instead we fill our days with singing silly songs in the car; dancing around the living room; playing/me actually cleaning with Pads by my side copying my actions and getting stuck in with brushing, sweeping, wiping the floor etc.. (he loves to do this!); gardening, which must feature daily and he mostly loves to dig or rake and water the plants (and himself); building with blocks; drawing or colouring in with crayons and pencils – and I must admit, I am really enjoying a bit of therapeutic colouring in these days as a way to relax and unwind with my boy.

High on the list of weekly activities is going for walks – mainly because he is obsessed with his wellies and wants to wear them all the time but also because we live in the beautiful Brecon Beacons so we’d be churlish not to take advantage of what we have on our doorstep as often as possible; we have to check on the ducks at the canal often – they are always fine; and he adores playing with the cat. She likes to be chased around the garden, no really she does!, she sees it as a game of wits and skilled moves, and Pads thinks the way she jumps over the long grass, runs up the tree and tries to catch flies is just delightful.

Bath time has become more of a challenge however, with him not wanting to have his hair washed anymore, and he is most definitely a little tinker in spirit, knowingly throwing books, food etc on the floor for a reaction and becoming quite insistent about what clothes he wants to wear or not wanting his nappy changed when he is busy playing. There have been a few tantrums in the middle of a busy street which are less fun, but all part and parcel of parenting Paddington.  His independent streak is coming to the fore and he is going to be a little rascal for sure (but I do secretly love this about him too – speak to me again when the proper terrible twos hit however!)

Back to the gardening however, as this is what is filing our lives with so much fun and discovery at the moment. We have planted lots of seeds: sunflowers and nasturtiums are in Pads own special patch in the front garden and I am really hoping they bloom just as he is.  We have a special mud area that I will leave unplanted for him to rake and dig and flood with water to his heart’s content.  He cannot get enough of carrying around his mini garden tools and wearing his mini gloves which are still too big for him despite apparently being toddler-sized, helping me to tend to our new plants and tidy up the garden, and his dad has been digging us an amazing tiered veggie patch in the back so Pads also loves ‘helping’ him throw mud around and collect stones.

He has a penchant for garden centres, walled gardens, kitchen gardens, flower shows (he made a bee-line for the display mud kitchen at the Cardiff RHS show and was a pro at making mud cakes and a making a mess!) and generally being out in the great outdoors with trees to hide behind, herbs to smell and branches and flowers to observe and interact with (i.e try and pull or poke or walk off with!). There is definitely a budding gardener in my boy (hoping for more of a Geoff Hamilton than Alan Titchmarsh though if I’m honest!)

If it is possible to love your child even more each day – which I reckon it absolutely is – then I can’t imagine how much I will love him by the time he is 18.  He is a beautiful soul, has a wickedly funny bone and the best sound in the whole wide world is when he laughs out loud.

My boy is fast approaching his 2^nd birthday and time is rattling along so fast, if I could I would press pause so I had more time to soak up everything that Pads is teaching me and notice every little thing that he does and picks up with each new day in tiny, microscopic detail.  In lieu of that being an actual option, I am grateful to have kept a written record of parenting Pads so far and vow to get back to being more thorough and regular with this as I want to remember everything.

Paddington, my boy, thank you for being you.  Now let’s go and dig in the garden!

 

 

Finding balance

Pads is just 2 days away from hitting the massive 20 month old mark. My little acorn is now a tiny oak tree. Time seems to be flying faster now my boy is a proper little toddle pod and the baby days are becoming blurrier and seeming much further away, and with that, the parenting game has most definitely changed. Pads is into everything in a much bigger way now, with more speed, more energy, more sneakiness, and more bravado or confidence; whether it’s climbing onto things, trying to wriggle under furniture, wanting to pick everything that isn’t nailed down up (and he is freakishly strong for such a wee one!), to wanting to run up every hill he sees – molehiles are a new discovery and one cannot be passed by without climbing onto and getting mud all over his bum/knees/hands when he inevitably tumbles down the other side. Ah mud. That’s our new best buddy too.

With this lovely Welsh weather that we have been having, every day seems to involve puddles, muddy boots, splattered mud and therefore my clothes always a little bit covered in mud at some point each day, when he inevitably wants to be picked up mid-walk, usually just after a fresh mud splattering or puddle splash.  We took a lovely post rain walk around Llangorse Lake the other day, where there were some spectacular puddles, which we both enjoyed wading through, however, Pads got a little over-excited and ran a bit too fast through the biggest one and of course, fell front first into the murky cold waters, then fell backwards into it trying to get himself up, which turned into a comedy sketch of both of us ending up completely soaked, and having to do a change of clothes at the car door right out in the open fresh air!  He loved every minute of it though, so that’s the main thing, and luckily, I always keep spare clothes in the car and in his change bag for times like this.

The obsession with brushes, brooms and cleaning is still going strong and has gone up a level. His word play is excellent with new words coming every week and one of his favourite pastimes now is to list all of the words he knows at once in random orders over and over, so we often get something like this early in the morning or whenever he feels chatty (which is often!): ‘mummy’, ‘car’, ’cat’ (news flash: we now have a cat, aptly named Katniss, as every country cottage needs a good mouser and we wanted Pads to grow up around pets to learnt to respect and love animals from an early age, and apart from a bit of over excited chasing around the house and the occasional too tempting to resist tail pulling, he is learning to gently stroke the cat and tries to give her a kiss at every opportunity which is very cute and gratifying!);

‘daddy’, ‘nam nam’ (which is his word for grandma!), ‘nanny’, ‘cardy’ (that’s grandad- obviously!), ‘duck’, ‘quack’, ‘knock’ (he learnt that from the Postman Pat theme tune, legend), ‘man’ (which means He-man, his favourite tv show – what can I say, the boy has taste!), ‘snacks’ (my bad), ‘chicky’ (that’s Pads for chicken and is totally adorable when he says it), ‘cheese’ and ‘cheers’ (those 2 words are often hard to differentiate to be honest but become clearer with the accompanying action!), ‘cacka’ (the boy LOVES cake for some reason…no idea where he has got that from at all..ahem), ‘na-na’ (his favourite food of all time: bananas) and ‘biccies’ and so on. Some very important first words there that will see him through life I think!

He’s moved up a room at nursery, no longer a caterpillar but now a boisterous bossy little butterfly! He’s the chief of his room too, growing in confidence (or possibly cockiness) each week there which is lovely to see, and I am really loving the colourful artwork that he comes home with each week – our kitchen is covered in hand print paintings of sunflowers, footprints and colouring in samples!

Other big boy events since we last spoke are that he has dropped down to just one nap a day, which makes a big difference to our days, and generally he is easier to get to nap now taking between 1-3 hours of sleep depending on where he is and what he has been doing to tire him out. We still boob to sleep and he still wants ‘baboo’ as he calls it, in the day when I am not working and every morning. And it’s still one of my favourite parts of our days together. So many of our baby pals have finished their breastfeeding journeys around about this age or earlier, and he did refuse the boob one evening which I thought might be the beginning of the end as that’s how it seems to have started with so many other mum and baby teams. I felt really sad and really emotional that evening and came down the stairs with a heavy heart and burst into tears at the bottom when Jon asked me if I was ok. I clearly wasn’t ready to stop what has been such a huge part of mine and Pads parenting journey together. Luckily, neither was Pads as the next eve he wanted ‘baboo’ again and so we are still going strong, and feeling blessed to be able to say that. It’s on his terms but I am secretly very pleased that we get to continue and so proud of how far we have come.

He has also started displaying real affection through giving lots of kisses to us, his grandparents, Uncle Dave and cousin Nosey who is visiting us from Australia this week. He absolutely loves his cousin and seeing them together holding hands, playing and laughing is just gorgeous. We have just come back from a lovely family holiday at Bluestone National Park in Pembrokeshire, where the cousins got to swim, explore nature trails, lakes, woods and extreme adventure play lands together and had a whale of a time, as did the adults, all being together in a fun and family friendly environment.

Pads is super cuddly at the moment and loves to hold hands and swing or sit and cwtch with his head nestled into my neck. It’s one of my favourite things to do in the whole world and boy does he give excellent hug! (He will always hug his mum like this, right?!)

We have also started very loose potty training, not that its something I want to rush into but I wanted to at least get him used to what the potty was for before we start toilet training properly, whenever he is ready. I took the potty out of storage and put it next to our loo just to get him used to it and on that first day I talked him through the basics of toilet usage as I did what I had to do on the loo. He listened and watched very closely and then I took his nappy off so he could get used to sitting on the potty bare-bottomed and explained the basics of wee wees out of the front and poo poos out of the back etc… He was a captive audience, really concentrating and repeating those words over and over as if he really liked the sound of them.

I left him to keep sitting on the potty and practicing getting off it which is quite tricky for a wee one actually, while I cleaned the rest of the bathroom and after about 2 mins of him sitting and standing in repetition, he suddenly said ‘poo’, sat down confidently on the potty and did his do like a pro. I was overly excited by this display of professional potty usage and messaged Jon immediately informing him of how genius his son was. Never before has a poo received such joy, applause and pride (well, not from me anyway! Am sure I am not the first parent to delight in a turd being deposited in the actual potty!).

I would like to say that our boy continued this genius quick learning toilet habit with no accidents…however, we have quickly realised that marvellous poo was a fluke. The next day, we did nappy off, sit on potty etc..and nothing happened. Until he started walking around the bathroom and squatted on the nice clean fluffy bath mat…yup and promptly soiled it. Followed by the next day doing a lovely number 2 on the polished antique wooden floorboards and so on…not one more poo has hit the potty from the source of whence it came. Nope. Not quite ready to be toilet trained then, as we suspected, but at least he likes the potty and now tells us when he has had a poo or wee, so that’s something!

Our Food Assembly is going really well, thanks for asking!, and Pads is the star attraction, delighting our food producers and members alike – he is especially fond of the giant teacakes our baker brings for him as a treat each week, and walks around the village hall where we hold the pop-up food market each week, like he owns the place, which to be fair, for that night, he pretty much does!  It is so lovely to see him interacting so confidently and humorously with other adults and kids, and he has some excellent social and communication skills blooming which makes me incredibly proud.

I also started teaching Daisy Birthing active antenatal classes, after qualifying as a Birth Educator at the end of last year, and am now half way through my first 6 week term, teaching some really lovely local mums-to-be, and I am loving it.

I find it a very calming and inspirational experience, and am surprised by how much of the antenatal education I remember each week. I always drive to classes thinking I won’t remember that week’s topic and doubting whether I will recall the moves or techniques properly, but by the time I get there, I have usually run the class over in my head twice and then its show time! Yes, I do get a bit nervous when we first start the class and just before I go into the education segment I can feel my heart beating faster, my mouth helpfully start to dry up and my cheeks flush a little redder, but once I get into it, I really enjoy it and think I am starting to find my flow now I am 3 classes in.  I feel honoured to be (hopefully!) helping my lovely mummies to relax, release and feel informed and empowered about their pregnancies and up-coming births.  I certainly wish I had experience Daisy Birthing before having Pads, as the breathing techniques are so relaxing, calming and positivity inducing, and its definitely something I will be calling upon if we go for baby number 2!  Not quite yet though…!

Because I teach on Friday evenings, Jon has taken over the bath and bed routine once a week, and Pads loves his one-on-one daddy time, and can’t get enough of bath time on his own now too – buying a set of inexpensive foam bath letters really helped as he loves to tip them all out, splash about with them, stick them to the side of the bath and then put them all back in the bag. (Tidying and putting things back is one of his favourite games of all time!).

At first I felt really torn not to be doing my ‘duty’ I suppose on a Friday eve as I have done bath and bed every single night, bar a handful, since Pads was born, and I did really miss doing it the first night. (Daft I know!) I felt a bit sad and as if the baby bubble of everything being down to me because I was the one on maternity leave, and I didn’t have work to go to, was coming to a real tangible end. Now I am juggling Daisy teaching , with freelance tv and festival work, working in a tea-room, and other bits and bobs so am working more days a week now than I have since Pads came along (and made our worlds a better place), and I am going up to full time next month for a while, to full-on 7 days a week during the actual Hay Festival event itself, and do you know what? Once the guilt and conflicted feelings of leaving Pads for more days with his grandparents and nursery settled down a bit, I realised that I am really enjoying the independence of working regularly again, using my brain in a different and freshly challenging way and taking on new, exciting roles that prove I still have skills, worthwhile experience and something meaningful to contribute, and in particular I am talking about a dream job of helping to co-ordinate the amazing Hay Festival which I started just last week and am loving!

Those tricksy mum guilt feelings definitely aren’t gone yet, oh no, they are still rearing their ugly heads throughout each week just when I think I have got this work/life/mum balance thing sussed, I then start wondering if I should be working at all as a mum and shouldn’t my job be just bringing up Pads and I should be happy enough with that right?! (This isn’t even a viable option, as I have to go back to work financially as well as personally and professionally).

These doubts are extremely frustrating as I don’t really believe them and do think its possible to be a great mum and be a valuable worker at the same time, doing something you enjoy that uses your skills and brings you career satisfaction.  The tricky bit is not only balancing all of this and quashing those mum guilt feelings, but in finding the work in the first place, and the work that is right for you and your family commitments.

It is possible to have a life, a job and a happy baby/ies, and this is probably something I wasn’t giving myself the chance to realise before, perhaps because I wasn’t entirely ready to give up the baby bubble and also because I found it a huge struggle to find work in my rural area, with my varied and tv-centric CV that isn’t always easy to translate into transferable skills for other types of work I have discovered, so its been quite a journey of self-doubt, tears, feeling desperate, panicking, thinking I was just plain shit at everything other than being a parent anymore, re-evaluating what I want and don’t want out of work and life anymore, followed by more tears and a lot of soul searching, Cv re-writing and ridiculous job applications, whereby I literally cast the net as wide as possible going for everything and anything I could with a reasonable mile radius of our cottage.

Needless to say, this got me a lot of knock-backs, no replies and quite a few interviews ranging from the downright bizarre, slightly awkward, to really lovely and inspiring meetings of like-minds, so its been one heck of an experience getting back to meaningful and financially viable work again. And being freelance, I get to play this fun old job search game again in a few months – woohoo! For now though, I have found a job I am really enjoying, that fulfils my project-based work lust, working for and with lovely like-minded people in a relaxed and creative environment so I am so grateful to have found this work, and through it, my old work self and self-worth again.

Its all about balance isn’t it, and for now, I am feeling like I am getting there in finding that elusive work/life balance, but of course, being me, I have perhaps taken on a bit too much at once (as usual!) so am spinning quite a few plates, and have very high expectations of myself, but I am enjoying the challenges and variety of life at the moment, and am really excited about what I am doing and the in-roads I am making towards my new career path as a valuable working mum of an incredible, loving and infinite loveable little man.  Pads, you are still my world, and my number one, I am just exploring a way of fitting other things in around you, and just trying to make things work as best as I can, and that feels good.

Busy being Pads – the almost 18 months mark

I have a confession to make, its been 12 weeks since my last post, and my only excuse is I have been really really busy. And Pads has grown and developed so much in that time, I struggled to know how to begin this from where we left off. I know I have mentioned it before but my baby has well and truly left the building, and my toddler rules the roost (and just basically rules as well).

We have been busy with a lot of things since we last spoke. Busy getting ill (all of us): colds, vomiting bugs, hand foot and mouth disease and conjunctivitis to name the main offenders, darn this changeable weather!; busy changing jobs (I have gone freelance and become an enterprising working mum trying to figure out my next move, as I am sure anyone that knows me is well aware of from all of my social media updates about my latest ventures  – sorry, and sorry not sorry at the same time!).

Busy spending time with my Scottish family which was all kinds of ace; busy fostering Pads never-ending book obsession with visits to bookshops and libraries – he can’t get enough of reading books, chattering away loudly at the pictures in them, sorting them into piles and taking them on and off the bookshelves over and again with gusto; busy training, studying and qualifying (woohoo!) as a Daisy Birthing antenatal teacher for Crickhowell, Abergavenny and Usk, and starting the juggernaut of self promotion and marketing to get my classes filled with lovely mums to be (harder work than I imagined!); busy not finding time to write this blog though I really wanted to as I still find it really relaxing, therapeutic and reflective; TMI alert – busy being called upon by an old friend who I had forgotten about and gotten very used to no longer seeing every month, (and yes I am talking about dear ole Aunt flow here (thats right, I hadn’t had a period since getting pregnant back in October 2014 until last month…do the maths on that one!); busy having a long overdue date night with the hubster at a pop-up foraging dinner party, thanks to my mum for babysitting duties!; busy taking Pads to his first fireworks display which he took in his casual stride; busy hosting Christmas and NYE at our cosy Welsh cottage, attending Pads first Christmas concert at nursery (he saw me and started crying – classic), and doing lots of festive baking/making a mess with flour and fruit with my little elf (and Pads Buddy the Elf costume is possibly the cutest thing I have ever and will ever see, it was almost too much for me to cope with to be honest); busy taking time out for myself for the first time in ages (I went swimming – on my own for 2 whole hours! it was bliss to actually swim in a pool rather than just repeat the bits of Water Babies I can still remember with Pads and then try and juggle drying myself and him in a hot and tiny changing room which always ends up in me getting dressed whilst still damp and him getting damp once fully dried and dressed) and if any of my new year resolutions stick, doing more for myself and not just thinking of myself as ‘just a mum’ or a freelancer always seeking work, and stopping feeling like I always have to do  life laundry (and actual laundry) first, above doing things for myself, is the one I want to stick to the most.

Here’s what else has happened of note over the past 12 weeks and counting…

1 Comic timing. I have long thought Pads had a funny bone and a good sense of humour and now I know he does. As he has gotten a bit older and more sure of himself and able to communicate better, his funny side is starting to show more clearly.  He knows how to work a crowd for comedic effect, loving to be chased and to chase, and more recently revelling in hiding behind me and delighting when I take my time to discover where he is and then shouting his adorable version of ‘boo!’ when I clap eyes on his ‘hiding’ (this is usually right behind me with his arm resting on my shoulder bless him so he hasn’t quite got the full concept of being covert yet!) – he is very nearly doing the classic tap me on one shoulder and appear at the other though so thats classic comedy genius right there!  He also does a mean side eyes look when he is being cheeky or playful which gets me every time.

Another rib-tickler for my boy, is true of all boys I think. He loves a burp and a fart, and has even started to try and do another fart after one has slipped out and made me laugh, which makes me laugh a little bit more as he visibly strains with a cheeky glint in his eye, all in the pursuit of another laugh.  I probably shouldn’t be encouraging this, but it really is funny!

2 Puddle play. As we live in Wales and it is Winter, we have had to get fully prepared for any weather so we have a full kit of wellies, all in one rain suits and snow suits at our disposal and Pads just bloody loves his wellies (who doesn’t? They are the best thing you can put on your feet in my opinion). His Uncle Alistair introduced him to the joy of puddles, and whenever we pass one – regardless of his footwear – he has to walk through it and have a splash – always with a little gleeful smirk on his face!  Puddles and wellies just go together, like jelly and ice cream or birds of a feather.

3 The big eating leagues. Now Pads is 17 months old, almost 18 months… (whaaaat???!!), he has graduated from plastic cutlery, to a mini metal fork and spoon, and his feeding skills have become very polished. Yes, we still get yoghurt smeared everywhere and rice flung across the room, but he is adept at holding a small pot in one hand and spoon feeding himself with the other.  His portioning is a little off – often trying to spoon out half the pot at once and ending up with half of it on his chin, some of it in his bib and another bit always on his clothes no matter how covered up he is. I know some adults who don’t eat as well as he does so well done my boy!

However, since the onslaught of back to back lurgies and the fact that all of his teeth have now decided to come at once it seems, he has also developed somewhat of a fussiness about food which is a first for us.  all my smug thoughts about what a good eater my boy was and how he always ate everything, which he did! Smoked duck, goose, venison, goats cheese – he was all over this kind of menu until the last month or so, when he has just decided that if he doesn’t fancy it, he won’t be having it thank you. The floor will.  We were down to just a few foods that he would even consider eating when his cold was in full flow (bananas, scrambled eggs (definitely not an omelette – oh no!), peas, cheese, blueberries, breaded haddock (spoilt much this boy?!) and bread and butter mainly), so I was tearing my hair out over wasted meals and how to turn those few ingredients into a variety of balanced healthy meals, but he seems to be allowing a few more foods to creep back into his repertoire again thankfully. He is developing likes, and preferences and eating moods for sure though and boy oh boy does he have a strong will – can’t imagine where he gets that from…

4 Thumb blisters. Last month, Pads started getting big old blisters on his thumbs that turned a bit scabby after they popped which was as unpleasant as it sounds. He was teething at the time, with his back teeth tearing through at an alarming rate, so not only did this once again affect sleep (for the worse) but also made him suck his thumbs much more vigorously and much more often than usual which must have caused it.  They looked pretty painful bless him so am keeping an eye out incase that happens again – how many more teeth can there be to come through?!

5 Bath time shenanigans. I have made no secret of having to bath with my boy every night for the past few months as he just wouldn’t go in the bath without being hysterical and getting really upset, which made washing him rather tricky.  We have had a lovely run of bathing together, with bath boob every time, and lots of lovely play and easy washing of the boy (and a great vantage point for nit checking), but it does rather tie me to always doing bath time, as well as bed time every single night, so we wanted to find a way to give Jon more one on one time with Pads and free me up for a few minutes a day at least.

We were going to start in October when we went off for a little staycation/Daisy Birthing training weekend for me, but he seemed to be afraid of the strange new bath in our rental house – it did have a big weird shiny tap on it to be fair- and was even more hysterical when we tried to coerce him into bathing alone in a new, unknown bath, so we scrapped the new initiative until a few weeks ago to keep Pads clean and not cause him any undue distress.

Then the time just seemed right, 2 nights before we went cold turkey with him, he had started to move around the bath independent of me and sit facing me, rather than his usual preferred position of sitting nestled right up to me and not wanting me to move too far away.  I saw this as our chance to strike whilst the iron, or bath?, was hot. And I can report, that we are sailing with solo bath times now. I haven’t bathed with him for over a month now and he has actually started sitting and playing happily on his own whilst his dad washes him and even refusing to come out of the bath as he is having too much fun splashing and playing with the foam letters I bought him as a guilt present for abandoning him to bathe alone (ah mum guilt, you omnipresent evil mistress).  It means they get father son time together and I get a little lie down before the bed time ritual begins which is a win win situation!  (though I do miss our baths together sometimes…)

6.The vom diaries.  I won’t dwell too long on this one, but we have had some hideous vomiting incidences at the end of last year.  It started with Pads feeling a bit unwell when we were en route to visit an organic farm I was recceing for my Food Assembly (as you do with a toddler), he was writhing in his seat as if he had awful trapped wind but we were in the middle of nowhere so I thought it best to get to our destination and see if I could settle him or massage his tum a bit there. No sooner had I got him out of his car seat and started to put his coat on as it was cold, he projectile vomited all down his front and all around him on the ground quite impressively, at exactly the same moment that the hip young farmer I was meeting came over to greet us. I bet he never forgets us though!

I thought I had escaped the bug, until I went for my first night away with 2 of my best girls in London. I know, get me!, doing things for myself again! this was a huge trip as it was the first night I would have spent away from Pads ever so I was excited, nervous and anxious about it all at the same time. The train ride down was lush, I drank hot coffee, stared mindlessly out of the window enjoying the quiet, read a little, revised for my Daisy Birthing exam and arrived to an amazing welcome at Paddington station in the form of 2 of my favourite humans holding a hand made sign – truly brilliant! I was ready to drink cocktails and fizz and catch up on everyone’s news over lots of cheese (truffle cheese to be precise!).  The day was fantastic and everything I needed and had wanted and more, and it was so good to be with my best buddies again and just be me, not always looking over my shoulder incase Pads was climbing, eating, drinking, throwing, hiding something that he shouldn’t have been as I am usually, and just be focused on having fun and frivolous conversation.

I felt quite like my old self again with added mum pride which was ace and I was coping remarkably well being apart from my little person for a bit, in fact I was beginning to think it was probably good for both of us (which I still think it was though I haven’t done it since…). The only bit of mumming that I made a big boo boo on was packing my breast pump – well I packed and carried the ridiculously heavy pump unit, but forgot the actual pumping suction cups and bottles…doh! Always resourceful, and feeling comfortable around such good friends, I just whipped out my milkers and sat watching Magic Mike whilst milking myself into a pyrex bowl to relieve the fullness and feel the sweet release – oh the glamour. Saturday nights never used to be this ‘pumping’ (ahem).

We were about to tuck into an indulgent cheeseboard, resplendent with truffles and quince and posh crackers we had just purchased, and guzzle some more fizz (the drink of choice for the day), when I started to feel a bit funny, perhaps too full of champagne I thought and just a bit bloated, so I switched to water for a bit to see if that would help.  Then it struck me. I really didn’t feel well at all, and I had to go and lie down with stomach cramps – memories of how my labour started with the same sort of tummy pains came flooding back, but don’t worry it wasn’t baby number 2, instead it was a sprint to the loo and an evening of being sick and lying helplessly in bed. Not quite the raucous girls evening in we had planned. Sods law.

7. Word play. Pads has picked up on words brilliantly over the past few weeks, evolving his patter of ‘mummy’ and ‘daddy’ and ‘yeah’, to a confident exclamation of ‘bear’ at almost everything, whether it is a bear or not! (we have a thing for bears in this house), to a cute ‘ball’ at anything round, an adorable ‘bubby’ meaning baby as I bought him some dolls to play with in the interest of non gender specific play and all that (and mainly because I thought they were cute and he is adorable with them! Kissing them gently on the head with a gorgeous ‘mwah!’ sound, which he also loves to do with anyone he likes and we get inundated with ‘mwah’ sloppy kisses throughout the day which makes everything we have ever done for Pads completely rewarded in that single gesture – he is demonstrating such a loving, nurturing and caring nature – most of the time, and I do slightly credit him having those dolls to play with for that)

He says ‘boonga bo’ for his belly button, whilst pointing at it, which is too darn cute for me to correct yet, and ‘jackadee’ seems to be what he thinks his name is.  That may be my fault for always turning his name into a nickname…’Gone’ is his word for when he has finished his food or when my plate is empty,and he has recently perfected ‘nanny’ which is a real winner with the grandparents. His latest word is ‘ch’ which means ‘cheers’ and is always followed with him picking up his bottle or cup and waiting for us to cheers it with ours. He knows his stuff this kid! (He also thinks the word ‘cheese’ means the same thing but they are very similar)

He also now says ‘boobah’ when he wants milk thanks to his daddy repeating the word booby over and over at him – thanks for that Jon! He also says ‘quack’ when we go and feed the ducks and over Christmas, we, along with most people with kids I’m sure, had a little toy elf around the house hiding in comedy positions and he learnt to say his name, ‘Buddy’ within a couple of days.  This is such a fun learning phase and he really understands what we say to him, he knows what and where his head, nose, feet and willy wonka are (the essentials in life really) so its probably time to swap those occasional expletives (we’re only human) that sometimes slip out of our mouths for something else now as this boy is a verbal sponge!

One of the most heartbreaking ways he has learnt to communicate, is by saying ‘mummy’ in such an earnest and vulnerable tone in the middle of the night when he wants picking up and cuddling if he has woken up…and yes, it works everytime!

8. Greetings and salutations! Its not just his language that has developed ten-fold, he communicates physically really well now as well.  In fact, we understand each other so well that I sometimes forget he doesn’t speak properly yet.   Of course there’s the temper flaying arms, the protest laying flat on the floor tantrums (I especially love those in public places when he has his reigns on), the emphatic ‘yeah’s’ accompanied with a little nod and open arms when he wants something, his arms outstretched and hands beckoning inwards when he wants to picked up – all moves that he has done for a while, but now he can also shake your hand firmly to say hello, initiate and carry out a proper fist pump with the accompanying ‘boom!’ sound (thats my bad!), and clap when he gets excited or hears applause on the tv or on a music track.  Its a lot of fun encouraging him to practice his repertoire and seeing what new ones pop up.

He has just started doing an amazing fast marching step dance too when we read his word books and get to the page that says drum, and Pads has rhythm and incredible balance as he sometimes spins with it too.  He may also have picked up a few of my yoga moves, I caught him leaning on the coffee table with one leg raised up in the air behind him just today actually, and he likes to get into a downward dog position with enviably more ease than I ever will again. Quite the little mover and toosh shaker this one.

He has always been obsessed with playing with brushes, (as well as spades of all shapes and sizes), from brooms, to dustpans and brushes, hair brushes, toothbrushes, you name it, if it has bristles he wants to hold it and play sweep with it, which isn’t a bad habit to be getting into so young really.  He also says ‘br’ when he sees any sort of brush so we have the beginnings of another word forming I believe!

12. Sleep that old nemesis… My old enemy sleep has risen its difficult head again of late, and possibly because he is developing at such a fast rate at the moment, hasn’t been well and is teething, Pads has been taking forever to get off to sleep, which was never the problem before, it was always keeping him asleep that was the issue! It has sometimes taken up to 2.5 hours to get him to settle down to sleep and be put down in his cot (no joke), and he has been waking earlier than usual, more frequently and only settling when we bring him in with us, no attempts at pacifying him in his cot or room will do on these particular nights.  It has been exhausting and just 3 days ago he woke at 10.30pm and didn’t go back to sleep until 3am, fidgeting and tossing and turning and fighting sleep for that whole time…that was a dark dark night that won’t be spoken of again.  Hopefully just a one off…

 

13. 999…This isn’t a tale of me having to call the emergency services thankfully, it’s the tale of Pads first phone call made by himself. To 999. He often plays with our landline phone as it’s an old retro model with a curly cord and receiver that he likes to hold to his ear/face and pretend chatter into and I let him as it’s just play isn’t it? On this occasion however, I hadn’t noticed him stabbing at the actual phone buttons and getting connected to the person on the other end of the line… I thought I could hear some distant voices but figured I had left the radio on in the kitchen. Pads slammed the receiver down when he got bored of the game as usual, then 2 minutes later the phone rang, which it never does and it was the police asking if everything was OK as they had just received a 999 emergency call from this number. It all suddenly fitted into place and I felt so embarrassed and guilty, luckily the police office at the other end of the line saw that it was just a mistake and a child playing on the line and that was that but I felt awful for not noticing! Pads is no longer allowed to play with the adult phone and I apologise again to the emergency services for wasting your time. Parenting fail.

14. Still going strong. I want to end on an emotional high. My friend Carys recently wrote a beautiful blog about finishing breastfeeding as the time was right for her and her lovely little boy who is just a bit older than Pads, and a lot of my closest mummy friends have naturally finished breastfeeding as their toddlers just decided to self wean, which is the dream way to close that chapter isn’t it. This got me thinking about our breastfeeding journey and how far we have come to be at almost 18 months and still lucky enough to be going strong. It really has been an incredibly emotional and rewarding experience and one I will always cherish, even when it wasn’t going well, we stuck at it as a team and I am so proud of what we have achieved. I started to wonder if I should be thinking about stopping soon but it isn’t up to me. Yes, I have come to love breastfeeding and in particular the peace and quiet and bonding moments it brings me and my boy (it wasn’t always this blissful of course, we have worked bloody hard to get here) and it has been a godsend with Pads run of illnesses when he wasn’t able to eat properly as I knew he was still getting nutrients, hydration and comfort from my milk. I will miss it terribly when it comes to a close, though I would quite like to be able to wear an underwired bra again and an outfit that isn’t chosen primarily for ease of boob access, but that’s not my decision to make at the moment. I am hoping Pads self weans when he is ready as I dread the thought of enforcing it and am not sure I will be able to.  I don’t offer him the boob anymore, he just takes it, quite literally sometimes by tugging at or removing my top, when he wants it. We feed to sleep still every night and it’s still one of my favourite moments of the day, and he likes a night feed and a morning drink still, then some days he wants a bit in the day, and other days he doesn’t and that’s cool.

I never in a million years thought we would make it to 12 months let alone 18 months, so we have a lot to be thankful for and celebrate, and I would now like to continue until Pads is two if he wants to, but of course it’s up to him!, and after that? I simply don’t know. I don’t really want to be feeding a tall toddler with all his teeth in his terrible twos in some way but in others, I do if it’s right for him. I think we will cross that bridge, or not, when and if we get to it, for now I am going to soak up every feed as if it was our last and enjoy my boy needing me and my milk for a little bit longer.

Paddington: the toddler

06/10/16

So apparently when your baby reaches the 14 months milestone, parents finally get over the shock of having a baby and perhaps, parenting might seem a little easier (mainly through practice and familiarity I suspect!), according to a recent Little Tikes parenting survey. Pads is less than 2 weeks shy of being a strong willed 15 month old so do I feel less shocked now? Yes, I suppose I do, and really I should by now right?!

For me the shock was definitely real in those first few days/weeks/months, but probably somewhere around the 8-10month mark, I felt like I was finally doing a good job and could call myself a proper parent (I think surviving the first 6 months is the main hurdle – if you can all do that relatively unscathed then you are going to be fine). My world no longer feels turned upside down and shaken out. My world feels good and rich and full of love for my little one, and for that I am eternally grateful.

We have our little routines, they aren’t set in stone but they are ours and they are working, and as I have said before this is the most rewarding job I have ever, and will ever have (not to mention of course it is the hardest too) and I can barely remember a time pre Pads. Life certainly wasn’t as cool and fun and rewarding and fulfilling before my little man came along, that’s for sure.

It’s been another chokka few weeks where life has been beyond busy and Pads has just blossomed and grown into a proper little boy almost overnight it seems. I have been saying for a while that he is no longer a baby, but I really mean it this time. He is a toddler – officially. And boy can he toddle!

Here’s a little more about my boy and his achievements and experiences this month:

Hair today…

So after asserting that I wasn’t going to cut his hair ever. I have cut his hair. Not a lot, but a little bit of his baby hair is gone (from his head anyway, I couldn’t bear to throw it away so kept most of it and gave some to grateful grandparents as a little keep sake).

It felt like a huge but necessary moment. His fringe was getting in his eyes and sweeping it to one side just wasn’t cutting it anymore, especially not when the wind blew it back into his eyes again, plus he was starting to look a little red neck/girly at the back where the hair was growing super long and straggly. I just trimmed the ends and the front so he could see and suddenly, he looks more like a little guy than ever before.

Cutting it was a challenge in itself as of course he doesn’t do sitting carefully still, but I managed the briefest and bluntest of snips while he was in the bath distracted with his boat toys. At first it looked a bit wonky in the fringe front but it has luckily grown into a pretty cool style since – how you properly cut a toddlers hair I do not know, but I managed to only cut hair so that was a success I think!

He can now see, whichever way the wind blows, and no one could mistake him for a girl anymore, and I have a couple of locks of his beautifully soft blonde hair to cherish forever.

Clever hands

Pads is dexterous and very tactile at the moment. Everything has to be felt or squeezed or scratched, as well as of course put into his mouth and chewed. This requires extra vigilant parenting, which I failed on yesterday by letting him hold a bar of cinnamon soap that looked a lot like fudge…clearly it didn’t taste that way for as soon as he had bitten into it, the tears and crying commenced, and I don’t blame him. I bloody hate cinnamon and am pretty sure I wouldn’t be a fan of eating soap either.

He has been enjoying stacking his plastic cups and bricks for a while now, but he has recently started really stacking them with precision and care and balancing things on top of other things in a quest to understand what works, and inevitably, what doesn’t. The first sign of this new precision handling was when he stacked a wooden block on top of another shaped block and then took one of his beloved Paddington bear toy’s wellingtons and placed that really cautiously on top. He looked ever so pleased with himself when his newly made toy tower stayed standing and celebrated by gleefully knocking it over and trying again, only this time he tried to stack 2 wellies on top of each other at a rather jaunty angle which didn’t work quite as well.

He is really picking up on things fast though and learns quickly. He is now an adept tower builder using all sorts of shapes and sizes of materials, but nothing gives him as much as pleasure as destroying his construction efforts as soon as he has built them!

Another way in which his careful handling of goods has demonstrated itself, is that he will now properly go and fetch something that I ask for, if he understands what I mean of course – which more often than not he does, or he will purposefully hand me something that he wants me or Jon to play with or demonstrate for him, such as his blowing bubbles or Scuba Steve the wind-up bath time penguin.

He can also spot small, detailed objects from seemingly quite far away, such as tiny stones or gravel when we are outside or specks of dust or crumbs in the house.

He has long, deft fingers too, akin to a piano player or master carpenter so I have high hopes for his creative and manual abilities already.

Sweep

Pads latest favourite play thing is not a toy. It is a sweeping brush with soft bristles and a wooden handle. Clearly he has been watching me sweep the impractical stone flooring we have in the kitchen every day after he has thrown various bits of his meals across the room, and he is fascinated by the brush and it’s sweeping abilities. So much so, that it was getting a bit dangerous letting him handle the big adult broom as he would wield it about quite aggressively, so when we were visiting a rather upmarket and fancy homeware store in Ross recently, he spotted a kid size broom that he made an instant bee line for and of course, I bought it for him and it’s now his most prized possession. He sweeps most mornings and every evening at least. We haven’t quite got to the actual teaching him to sweep up dust and dirt and then get a dustpan and brush to sweep it into the bin, but it’s a great start!

Nit picking

Not my favourite part of being a parent this one, Pads brought some little friends home with him the other week, possibly from nursery, who knows?

I was stroking his hair in the bath just before washing it as I usually do, when I spotted a piece of innocent dirt – or so I thought. When I pulled the speck out of his hair and placed it on the side of the bath for closer inspection, it became grossly apparent that the moving part-brown, part-translucent thing now facing me, was a living creature and it wasn’t a fly or something that had just gotten stuck on a hair. I recognised it from my childhood days spent having my long thick mane doused in disgustingly strong smelling chemicals and having to sit outside for a few hours whilst it got to work and then my poor mum having to come out and comb every single strand of my bountiful barnet until all the dead little critters and their eggs were gone. Yup, this was a head louse, and there is never just the one.

Then began the further forensic inspection of Pads head which revealed a few more of these nasty adult buggers and lots of their little black nits – the eggs. My poor boy had his first nit infestation and it made me very very itchy to be combing through his locks.

I looked into the best ways to remove nits from a 14 month old and rather than try a chemical based solution, or a pongy shampoo, I opted for the old fashioned nit comb and conditioner wet combing method. I spent every evening for a week lovingly and literally nit picking the blood suckers from my son’s gorgeous head and hair, and it became a bit of an obsession to be honest. It part grossed me out that I was handling their horrible little bodies and part satisfied the heck out of me that I was foiling their dastardly plans to feast on my baby and helping my little boy become nit free and comfortable once again.

I am pretty sure I managed to get them all through grit and determination and am keeping a close eye on his head every other night now for nit maintenance. Needless to say, I also got them and wasn’t quite as old fashioned in my approach to sorting my own head out as it was just itchy and gross, so I slapped a load of supposedly natural head lice shampoo on my still very long and thick barnet, and got Jon to reticently nit comb it one romantic evening. The shampoo seems to have done the trick as I am no longer clawing at my own scalp but I have another treatment still to go to be extra sure.

Nits really are the pits, and they don’t just appear in dirty hair as is often mis-thought. They actually love a nice clean head of hair and in particular favour the blessed of barnet, so for that Pads I am very sorry. You take after me in the masses of thick hair department and this is why, this won’t be the last batch of nits you (and I) get. Sorry.

The Lakes learning to walk like a pro weekend

We joined a group of my gorgeous tv friends on a long weekend holiday to a beautiful country house in the Lake District a couple of weeks back. It was a bit different to when we last did the same holiday (unbelievably 3 years ago – where the heck does time go?!) when none of us had kids, but do you know what, this time it was better because of the kids. Pads was on top form, along with his younger baby buddy Emily, who delighted in stealing Pads hats on our lakeside walk!

Over the course of the weekend, his walking went from a few doddery steps here and there to full on treks around the ample grounds and up and down the grand stair case. The house was big and spacious with lots of steps and changes in flooring texture from stone to carpet and rugs and wood and tiles and Pads was just in his element, putting himself through his paces.

To see his confidence and ability grow hand in hand (or should that be foot over foot?!) in just a few days was astounding, not to mention utterly adorable.

His little face was the picture of pride when he had walked from one side of the house to the other along the long landing, or did a circuit around the house outside in the fresh air holding on tightly to my hand for reassurance and guidance. He was particularly interested in walking down the gravel drive that then turned into earth and grass, really concentrating on every step and feeling the ground beneath his feet.

Honestly, buying him his first shoes was the best thing we could have done as he loves them so much and points to them when he sees them, wanting them to be put on immediately. They have given him his wings so to speak and he is so proud of them. He also loves his slipper sock muk-luks- it’s all about comfortable cosy footwear for my boy!

One morning while everyone was nursing hangovers and having lie ins, I took Pads for a proper walk along the country lane and to a little bridge over a river, gently going at his pace and stopping to point at the sheep in the fields around us and touch a blade of grass. It was lovely to slow down and see the world from his perspective, one amazing sight after another.

He walked the whole way holding my hand and chattered merrily with such a look of contentment and pride that he could do what all the grown ups do and just go for a walk. I was so incredibly proud of him. We sat on the bridge watching the water flow beneath us for quite a while, Pads fascinated by what was happening right below him and me holding onto him tightly and enjoying the peace and fantastic fells scenery surrounding us – as well as doing a few cursory nit checks in his hair whilst we were still!

From that weekend on, he just wants to walk everywhere and keep practicing to make it perfect. The first day we walked into nursery together he couldn’t have looked more chuffed and the nursery ladies fell about themselves with his cuteness and charming little waddle walk. He is such a brilliant confident little walker now and the adventure has only just begun as now he can walk, of course he wants to be able to run and climb on his sturdy little feet next.

Toddler proofing

Having a toddler is so different to having a baby isn’t it? Suddenly, Pads is able to do so much more than ever before and he is super inquisitive, surprisingly quick and into absolutely everything, often before I have fully clocked what he is about to do.

This really showed itself the other morning when we were doing what we have always done, both of us in the bathroom getting ready for work/nursery. I was on the loo, and suddenly he sped across the landing and decided he would try to walk down the stairs by himself – he has never tried this alone before and has always been really good at crawling down backwards or waiting for us and reaching out for our hands to help him walk down. Before I could get to him from my rather compromising position, the inevitable happened and in excruciating slow motion.

He fell down the stairs, first on his bum then over onto his side, landing startled on his back on the mid landing. I went white and felt sick as I raced down after him as quick as I could to scoop him up all red faced, hysterically crying and his little body rigid with the shock.

Luckily, he actually didn’t hurt himself but he was very upset and shocked by the incident. And I just felt awful and cursed the fact I had to have gone to the loo. The poor guy needed a lot of extra cuddles and boob and then he was right as rain thankfully.

We have since installed another stair gate at the top of the stairs so that can’t happen again, as I think we were very lucky this time and I don’t want a repeat for my intrepid little explorer.

Independence days

Pads is incredibly independent in some things at the moment, from wanting to feed himself, to walk on his own, brush his own teeth and play by himself in his own way, but he is also incredibly baby like again in other respects.

He is breast feeding much more again, needing to suckle and have comfort boob like he did a few months back and he is often found with his hand on or down my top just making sure everything is there if he wants it! He is also very much a mummy’s boy at the moment too, needing lots of super snugly cuddles and climbing on me when we are near each other just to ensure he can and then going off to do his own thing, but always coming back for some grounding mum time when he needs it.

The down side of this is because he wants me all the time, he has actually turned away from Jon and burst into tears when he has tried to take him for a hug, wanting to just be with me. Jon is trying not to take it personally but I know he is finding it hard. I have heard this is just a phase that a lot of babies go through when they are finding their own independence and way in the world. They need their mum to reassure them and return to when they aren’t sure or feel overwhelmed by a new thing they have learnt or are trying to do, and only mum will do. It isn’t permanent I don’t think, and I wouldn’t really mind if it was!, and there will come a time when he probably prefers hanging out with his cooler, sportier, and more active dad anyway, so for now, it’s just what he needs, and I am happy to be his number one.(Sorry Jon!)

Food glorious food

A big part of my boy’s evolving sense of independence and really wanting to do certain things himself, is when it comes to mealtimes. He has to have a spoon and he has to feed himself, otherwise food will be thrown about in frustration. Food also gets thrown about in excitement and trial and error anyway, but he is very particular about feeding himself and looks so pleased and proud when he manages the actually quite complex sequence of actions of putting the spoon into the bowl, scooping food on to it, lifting it to his mouth without spilling it and then putting it into his mouth and taking the food off.

He does a really splendid job. He always gets something on the spoon and if it’s yoghurt he goes for a mighty big dolloped spoonful each time. A lot of it does end up on his bib or nose or chin or all three, and is then usually smeared across his face, but he has picked this skill up really quickly and just wants to hone it, which I totally get. Eating is probably the single most important skill to have for survival, next to drinking of course, but he already has that skill down!

Speaking of food, last month I put on a Farmyard at the Abergavenny Food Festival, which was a real labour of love and a dream come true to be a part of such an incredible event that I have loved and visited for years. I am proud as anything with how it all went and loved working with such a motivated and inspirational group of like-minded people and am gutted that it is now over.  It really gave me back my working mojo and made me realise something I knew deep down anyway but had perhaps lost a bit in the whole maternity leave/return to work scenario: I belong in a career in food. Its my thing, my passion and its what I am good at.  I feel like the festival awakened me and made me rediscover myself which is all kinds of brilliant, so thank you for that! I have my workplace confidence and full on passion and drive back. I can be a mum and do satisfying, fulfilling and demanding work, I know this because I just proved it. Watch this space!

We got to enjoy the food festival as a family on the Sunday as my Farmyard was a one day special, and Pads was a little star, saying hi to passers-by, crawling and waddling around the castle grounds, especially interested by what everyone was eating! He tried fabulous garlicky focaccia from Alex Gooch – win!; a crumbly Caerphilly and strong cheddar from Godminster; some crispy calamari and a couple of cheeky frites from Dylan’s fish shack and a special treat of a few licks of Shepherds sheep’s milk ice cream, tayberry and mint choc chip flavours, which he loved eating almost as much as he loved getting all over his face and in his hair! The boy loves food, now I wonder where he gets that from hey?!

Sticking to the theme of food again, we recently discovered a new way to do our weekly shop, and from that, I also found my latest passion project. I have been inspired to join the Food Assembly movement and become a host in my village, basically connecting local producers with local people who want to buy their food and making good, affordable, sustainable and local food accessible and easy to buy. If you haven’t heard of this social enterprise yet, check it out and see if there is one near you to join, it’s the future of a more sustainable food system, and it’s free to join with no obligation or commitment to buy at all.

The model is simple: a collection of great local food producers and farmers make their products available to buy on an online catalogue co-ordinated by a host (that’s me!), the buyer logs in and chooses what groceries they want and pays for them online, then once a week at the same time and the same place, the buyer comes to collect their goods directly from the people who make and produce them, thus building a greater sense of community and fostering a local and hyper network, as well as enabling people to access the food local to them in a convenient and modern way. The host puts all of this together and runs the weekly collection event as well as occasional special events in conjunction, from food talks and tastings to demos and farm visits for example. The Assembly ensures the producers get a fair price as they set their costs and minimum order levels and receive over 80% of the sales of their produce (as compared to between 15-25% on average with the supermarkets), and customers get to learn about where their food comes from and support the local economy just by changing how and where they do their weekly shop. It’s brilliant.

It’s huge in France and across Europe with 700 Food Assemblies in total, and has been slowly but surely simmering away over here with 40 groups now in place and more – like mine – in development.

Pads and I have been going to the Abergavenny Food Assembly for the last fortnight and he has enjoyed playing with the knobbly pears in our fruit box, smelling the natural soaps (and unfortunately trying to eat them!), lapping up some deliciously creamy raw milk, sipping some just pressed apple juice and having a tiny taste of some fine fennel charcuterie and juicy baked gammon. Legend.

All this whilst he has been feeling a bit under the weather this week too, he has such an awful chesty cough and runny nose bless him (another nursery treat I believe!) but I am hoping the benefits of all of this nutritious fresh food and extra drops of my incredibly local (!) and nutritious milk will nip his cold in the bud before it goes full blown and we all go down with it.

We have now switched our regular supermarket shop, to buying local food from our local Food Assembly for all the fresh staples such as meat, fish, veg, fruit, dairy and herbs, and the quality and taste have been fantastic. The cost has been comparable, and even slightly cheaper on some products too.

I have been so impressed and inspired by the simplicity, importance and brilliance of the idea that I applied to set up my own Food Assembly in my beloved village and have been accepted! So watch this space for a launch sometime around the New Year!

Spreading the love

With the all new walking Paddington, comes a whole new level of cuteness and confidence that is all part of my little guy’s endless charm. The ladies at his nursery have fallen for him hook, line and sinker and the nursery leader Zoe told me that he is just impossible not to love and that she adores him, which was so beautiful to hear. She said they all think he is gorgeous and charming and so loveable, and she informed me that he has started walking up to her and tapping her on the arm or back, and then chattering away at her, waiting for her to speak back, giving another brilliant jibber jabber monologue and then toddling off happily, content that he has been listened to and under the impression that he has been understood! That’s my guy. Super cute.

He also has a little bestie, Elin, who we used to go to Baby Acorns group with back when they were both just a few weeks old. My how they have both now grown and changed! Apparently they love to follow each other about the room and play with the same toys and have little toddler chats together throughout the day. Now that is making my ovaries dance a bit I must say.

That’s my boy, a loveable and very loved little dude.

Taking a walk on the wild side…

13/09/16

It has been a while since my last blog, and I have really missed writing it. So much has happened this past month, it’s hard to know where to begin. You could say things have been a little on the super busy side here with work, study, birthday getaways, and life in general taking over! And mixed in with all of that, I have been lucky enough to take on a dream role, working with the Abergavenny Food Festival, setting up a brand new Farmyard area for this year’s event filled with live animals, farmers, farming and food demo stalls, a brilliantly packed programme of bite size engaging talks from farmers and food producers, and a lively food debate to really get things going.

Its been an absolute blast to organise and be part of such an incredibly worthwhile and inspirational event that I have loved attending as a punter for the past decade or more.

It has really got my creative juices flowing again and made me feel like I am back in control of my skills and my worth in the workplace. Its been a hugely rewarding and satisfying experience and boosted my post maternity work confidence no end. I can do this and I can do this well. This is where I belong. This is what I am good at and what my TV skills are ideal for and the fact that it’s a local and globally renowned event is a huge bonus. Thanks for having me festival team – you guys are awesome and massively inspirational to work with.

It’s been full on of course, working evenings, weekends, days off etc…but it really has been fun. Let’s hope it all goes well on the day – if you are coming to the festival, or even just thinking about it, then do it and come and see me and my farm animals!

One of the best bits of working on the festival, besides being part of a legendary and leading event in the foodie calendar, is the approach to flexible working. They really understand that people have lives and parents need to work flexible hours so it’s been easy to fit in around Pads and other work and life commitments. This is fantastic and brilliantly forward thinking, and also very timely considering the frankly shameful latest statistics that discrimination against pregnant women or new mums has doubled in the last decade. How can businesses be moving backwards so quickly? I mentioned in a previous post how more should be done to protect new mums returning to work, specifically relating to breastfeeding/pumping guidelines, but this clearly needs to go further.

Women are great workers and they can multi task like no other because they have to. We deserve so much better. We deserve flexible working hours and days; to be able to work in a safe and non judgemental environment that accepts that yes we are parents, but we are also dedicated and efficient employees.

I value flexible working above all else now I am back at work as a new (ish!) mum. The freedom to work part time and from home for some of that while transitioning from maternity to working again and the option to start work earlier and finish earlier, or on some days start a little later and finish later too, flexible start and end times basically to fit around childcare and other parental concerns, top my list of wants. They aren’t big things for a business but they are huge for me. I have been really fortunate to find a company, well actually two now!, that totally respects my needs as a mother and has been open to changing my hours to better suit the times I need to collect my son from nursery etc… This should be the norm but I am fully aware that it isn’t.

Protect and support us and you have an incredible loyal and hard working work force that is also responsible for bringing up the next generation. Keep making us redundant or cutting our hours/demoting us as ‘punishment’ for having a baby and daring to put our careers second, is not good long term thinking. Ultimately it is the economy that will suffer and that is simply bad business.

I love that the social media training company Digital mums has taken this need for change on board with their #workthatworks movement, calling on businesses to embrace a new, more effective culture of working with mums, and dads!, in mind and starting a real conversation about how we can make this change happen. Support the cause and post a pic with the letters w, t, w spelt out (‘work that works’ initials you see – clever!) (my offering is below) and don’t forget to hashtag #workthatworks – let’s keep the conversation going on this one.

I could talk about this for days as you can probably tell, it’s great that it has finally made headline news and that some people are encouraging the country to follow Germany’s lead and put proper guidelines and practices in place for the proper treatment of pregnant ladies and new mums, let’s just hope that this subject keeps momentum and culminates in something actually being done and companies modernising their approach to working with mums, especially in helping and supporting them back into the workplace after maternity. It’s all about Flex Appeal right?

Back to the little man now. It has been a huge month for Paddington and he has developed leaps and bounds. He is 14 months this weekend. How did that happen?!! He might be the most fun he has ever been at the moment too. He is such a little dude and I sort of wish we could stay in this awesome baby to toddler bubble for all time. He is honestly the person I would choose to spend most of my time with at the moment as he is so much fun and it’s so rewarding to see how much he has learnt and grown lately.  Here is what this month has brought with it:

1. I keep getting it in the face!

From an iPhone smacked excitedly into my cheek resulting in a juicy little bruise, to a wooden truck rammed into my lower jaw and mouth, which was just smashing early in the morning, and made me thankful I still had all my teeth afterwards, to being head butted in the eye which has given me the beginnings of a tasty shiner, it’s been a couple of weeks of my boy energetically expressing his excitement for things without fully realising his own strength or force, let alone how to control it yet! I love his youthful exuberance, I really do, but for now I am learning to approach with caution and dodge with speed before I really come a cropper!

2. Comedy genius.

Along with an increase in force, power and strength, my gorgeous little Padstar is realising that he can do things that make us laugh, and so he does them again. And again! Clearly this is genius. Some examples are dribbling for comedic effect – I know I shouldn’t encourage this, especially when he does it after taking a drink of water, but it is pretty funny and extremely cute. Vibrating his lips whilst making noises to produce a variety of silly sounds – this is properly hilarious. Especially when he does it out and about on walks or in the supermarket, he gets a lot of attention and laughs from his adoring public for this one, which of course, encourages him to get louder and louder!

I love that he is developing a real sense of humour and learning how to work a crowd and a situation for humorous affect – this will stand him in excellent stead in later life.

3. Talking to himself.

Another ovary massaging development of late, is really properly talking to himself in the mirror when I pick him up from nursery. He sits in his car seat, looking at his own reflection and chitter chatters merrily away, forming what really sounds like words, except of course they aren’t really (unless of course he is speaking another language and is actually a proper genius?!! Sometimes it sounds a bit Welsh…or Arabic…or perhaps Nordic?!) He also laughs at his own ‘jokes’, smiles coyly back and forth at his own likeness and kicks his feet away in joy. It is ace to witness and really shows what a happy and carefree chappy he is.

Speaking of which, his nursery keep commenting on how chatty and happy he is all day and how infectious his obvious joy at the world is. This makes me so proud of my boy and he really is a little ray of sunshine, gaining confidence every day and just happy to be living and to be loved. We could all learn a thing or two from that outlook.

4. Sit and swivel.

We have upgraded our little guy’s car seat as he was getting impossible to put in his old baby seat and getting a bit long for it too, so it was time to go for a big boy’s seat. Choosing one was a bit of a challenge as there are so many options, and some seriously pricey models too. My criteria was pretty simple though and helped us to narrow down our options: I wanted a swivel seat so I could get Pads in and out of it more easily now he is a wriggly and independent little mister, I wanted it to be rear facing for as long as possible as I still firmly believe that rear facing is safest and though he would love to face forward to see me more, his safety trumps that. And lastly I wanted him to be comfy so good cushioning and a nice soft and wipe able material were also key.

I did some initial research and read around on reviews and advice from fellow mums, and created a shortlist of 3 possibles. One visit to Mothercare later, and we had our new toddler seat, and Pads loves it.

It’s the Joie Spin 360 and I can highly recommend it as it ticked all of our safety boxes with the added bonus of not being ridiculously expensive either, and it will last him until he is at least 4 years old, rear facing (it has the option for forward facing too if we want to move him around in a couple of years). He has slept in it in most of our longer car journeys so that’s a seal of approval from him and I love that I can move the seat to get him in and out of the seat from any angle, no matter how close someone ends up parking to the passenger side, which has always been a big bugbear of mine as then I have really struggled to get him back in the car in his previous seat.

Putting the baby seat in storage was quite a big moment. My boy really is growing up and is not a baby anymore.

5. Viral rash panic.

I picked Pads up from nursery the other week and he had come out in a red rash all over his front and back bless him. He had been a bit out of sorts a day or two before, not eating as well as usual and doing pretty offensive nappies and the night before was one of the worst we have had in ages in terms of disturbed sleep, with little man just not able to settle at all and being really fidgety, uncomfortable and not really knowing what to do with himself. He was crying out and being inconsolable at points and felt a little warm to the touch, though he didn’t have a temperature at all. I thought it was teething or trapped wind as he did some almighty trumps the next morning but now it seems it was the start of him not being very well.

When I saw the rash on that evening after nursery, I immediately panicked a bit. You do as a mum don’t you, as your first thought is meningitis. I pressed on the rash and it blanched easily so I was pretty sure it wasn’t that. But I was worried. The nursery staff said they thought it was probably just a viral rash as he hadn’t quite been his usual chatty and fun self all day but he hadn’t been subdued or feverish either and they had seen this sort of rash before. That night would be the one night that Jon was staying away with friends and my mum was away on holiday too wouldn’t it, so I didn’t have my usual support team to reach out to.

He felt a little warm and was very snugly so he definitely looked a little unwell, but he took his booby milk fine in the car and then as we drove home, I spent the whole journey wondering what to do as I had never heard of a viral rash. As we passed the hospital I did wonder whether it was worth taking him to a and e but something in me said no. I am a huge believer of ‘if in doubt, get it checked out’ but I just wanted to take him home and trusted my instincts on this one.

Once home, he just wanted to go to bed so there were extra hugs and feeds and then he went to sleep deeply in my arms. This is when I noticed that the rash was on his arms too and I started to panic again. Should I have taken him to a and e after all? Was I a bad mother for not doing that right away? Perhaps I should take him now? So in desperation I reached out to my awesome mum pal Laura in a text and she called me back straight away whilst I was sitting with a sleeping Pads in my arms. She gave some excellent advice on viral rashes she had experienced before and it really did look and sound just like one and suggested I call my out of hours doctor. I hadn’t even thought of that so that was a top suggestion Laura and thanks for being there in mine and Pads hour of need.

I called the number and was called back within half an hour by a lovely local doctor who talked me through a diagnosis and said it sounded like it was just a viral rash which is super common and nothing to worry about. If I wasn’t sure I could bring him to the local out of hours service which was only 15 minutes away. I immediately felt a huge relief and mum guilt lifting as I had trusted my instincts and they were right. He was unwell but not badly so. And a trip to a and e would’ve been more stressful for him when he just wanted to rest and be held by his mum in familiar and cosy surroundings.

I kept an eye on him all night, laying in his room on his couch and then brought him to bed with me. He pretty much slept through and in the morning he seemed a little brighter but I wanted to be sure that this wasn’t anything more serious so we went to the doctors for a second opinion. And he confirmed that it was a viral rash and would go within a week or so and just to keep doing as I was doing and making sure he was hydrated and rested well, but to avoid nursery for a few days.

So I took the day off work to tend to my son and it was a lovely day. He slept lots in my arms, had plenty of boob and lots of kisses and cuddles and by the end of the day he was up for playing and laughing again and the rash had gone from his arms and was really faint on his body. Relief!

The worst bit was his nappies, they were awful. Some of his worst yet so it definitely effected his tummy bless him and we had quite a few poonami explosions (a few white body suits were sacrificed!). The upset tummy lasted a couple of days and he was a little quieter than usual and stared into space a few times which was a bit worrying as that’s really not like him. I am pleased to report that he is fully back to himself now and am hoping whatever that virus was, is long gone and will stay away!

6.Perfect point.

What has been amazing me lately, is how well my boy communicates what he does and doesn’t want. He is absolutely clear and very precise and I love that I can understand him. He really loves that too and gives the best scrunchy faced pleased as punch smile when he has been understood and gets what he wanted. It’s pretty darn clever to be able to communicate this well without real words.

A simple and instinctive point does the trick; whether it’s to a water bottle because he is thirsty; towards a piece of food that he fancies because he is peckish; towards a toy that he can’t reach and wants to play with or maybe towards a direction he wants to go in or heard a sound come from, I know what he means and wants almost all of the time which is ace. We have our own sign language going on and it makes us both feel proud and happy to be able to communicate in this way.

7. Adventurous spirit.

Pads has always shown a big spark of life and a desire to explore, discover, conquer and be on it/in it/under it and all over it. It’s one of his best characteristics and with his growing confidence and burgeoning ability, this has literally reached new levels. He is a climber. I can see him being a fearless base jumper or sky diver when he grows up to be honest. Terrifying. But rather cool as I am so the opposite and am pleased he seems to have his father’s love of the extreme and adrenaline fuelled activities already.

He has been climbing onto the sofas and up the stairs for a few weeks now, really quite competently and very very speedily. Now, he has figured out how to climb to the top of the fireguard in less than 5 seconds flat. It was quite a shock to see him trying to stand up on top of it like King Kong at the top of the Empire State!

His mischievous streak is in full force too, I have already had to dry out the Apple TV remote after it took a ‘swim’ in the toilet bowl thanks to Pads – luckily it now works again! (Top middle class mum tip: if you don’t have any rice to hand to dry out phones or remotes that have been drowned by your kids, quinoa does the job too!) He is actually fascinated by the loo at the moment so I have to be on my toes to catch him before he goes into the bathroom or he will be lifting the lid and putting his hand in – gross! He also traps his fingers in between the seat and the rim every time….

Doors are another joy. He is obsessed with opening and closing them which is usually fine as we have those door stopper things on most of the doors to stop him trapping his fingers but he has just discovered cupboard doors which don’t have any safety stoppers on them yet, so there’s been a lot of trapped fingers and crying lately while he figures that one out.

He is also a huge help in removing all the Tupperware and tins of food from our lovely practical open shelves in the kitchen and then putting them back in random orders and on different shelves, cupboards or just leaving them in a little pile on the floor. His sorting skills are fab and definitely to be encouraged and the little look of absolute concentration and absorption is great to watch, so he can help out in this way as much as he wants for now. It has made me reorganise the shelves to make sure he can’t get hold of anything dangerous or breakable though so that is a help – spring clean for us, great safe game for Pads.

To further encourage his sorting skill set I bought him a lovely wooden shape sorter that is also a little work bench where he can hammer the shapes into the holes. He loves it and sometimes even puts the right shape into the right hole…told you he was a genius, and those incidences were definitely not just flukes….

8.Now for the big news….a couple of weeks ago Pads took two steps of his own accord. It was one of those mum moments where you want to smile and cry and tell everyone yet also keep the moment to yourself all at once. He had been working on his standing from a squatting or seated position for a while and had that nailed. He has a low window ledge in his room so he has been using that to sit on and then launch himself to a standing position without using his hands. He has also been practicing standing from a sort of downward dog yoga move and occasionally from kneeling, all just using his core strength and thigh muscles. Then one day, he went from doing that to taking a quick two steps into my waiting arms. What a legend.

That week he did just two steps every day, as if quietly and deliberately building up his confidence and making sure he had that honed before moving on.

He also started using the lovely cuddly rocking bear we bought him at Xmas, which he doesn’t sit on for longer than about 30 seconds anymore, to push along the carpet and practice walking with. Then, I held one of his fav almost life size toys, Ted (yup, from the film!), out in front of him and he grabbed it in a sort of cuddle/balance hold and started walking with him (and a little support from me). This combined with his daily push along walks with the tractor, wooden walker and lawnmower, and grabbing our hands to walk him around too, have been building his courage and training his legs as well as working on his balance which is pretty good, most of the time.

Then last week, he stepped up his walking game again and took a few more solo steps with his arms up in the air as if on puppet strings for balance. And that’s it. He is a walker!

Each day he walks a little bit more and a little bit further. He can make it from the sofa to the table now which is about 2 arms lengths in distance. He also takes my hands in his with determination as a signal for me to walk with him so he can practice on different surfaces and over bigger distances. He doesn’t walk all the time and still crawls, especially if he wants to get somewhere quickly or with ease, but he is walking daily and working on it, like a real skill that he is desperate to get the hang of quickly.

This has of course started to effect his sleep but not so much how long he sleeps for, as he is tiring himself out much more he is usually sleeping a good 7 hours at night which is all kinds of brilliant, but it’s making him really hard to settle down and get off to sleep in the evenings as all he wants to do is practice standing and walking!

With the walking in full swing, we decided it was time to invest in some good shoes for him to build his confidence with and enable him to safely and comfortably walk outside, so off to Clarks we went for Pads first shoe fitting rite of passage. We chose some classic cruisers that bend with his feet and are apparently better than going straight to harder walking shoes as they give them confidence and support without being too heavy or cumbersome to lift which can put them off walking.

Within 24 hours of him having them, his walking improved. He loves wearing them and looking at them. I think they make him feel like a bigger kid, and are clearly comfy or he wouldn’t keep them on. He delights in peeling back the Velcro fastenings when he is sitting in his car seat, giggling away at the sound it makes. They have encouraged him to walk more when we are out and about and I reckon there will be no stopping him now!

Pads your will and determination to walk well is an honour and a privilege to be part of and you are nailing it in your own time and in your own way.

Pads, the walking years, have begun and I am excited (and also a little pleased that he is still crawling as well, as his crawl is so cute I am not ready for that to be over yet!).

9. Pads first glamping trip.

It was Jon’s birthday this last weekend so Pads and I treated him to a camping trip – well, it was a wagon on a beautiful ranch campsite, so a glamping trip really. We thought a tent in September in Wales might be pushing it with Padstar, and I am very pleased we went with a solid structure as it didn’t half rain on the first day!

The whole trip was a huge success, Jon loved it and so did Pads most importantly. He loved padding about our cool wagon, complete with snugly sleep pod, and exploring the wet grass outside in his new shoes, and all that fresh air and excitement over watching the camp fire meant that he was asleep by 7pm, and it only took 10 minutes to get him to sleep, and he didn’t wake up until 5am the next morning – result!  He fell asleep in the big bed in the wagon as his travel cot would have taken up the rest of the space, and it was the perfect giant cot for him as it was only open on one side which was easily barricaded by a rolled up duvet with a stash of pillows and cushions on the floor in case he got adventurous and tried to climb out. Luckily, he didn’t as he was just too darn cosy, and it was lovely to join him later in the sleep den to all drift off together.

This meant that Jon and I got to spend a gorgeous romantic evening cooking and eating under the stars by the warmth and glow of the camp fire, and enjoy some time just the two of us. It was lush, so thanks Pads for treating us to one of your best nights sleep ever!

Next Summer, we are going to go full on camping now we have dipped our toes in the water and we reckon Pads will love it- and appreciate the fun of sleeping under canvas more then too.

Until next time Gadget…

 

Climbing, Drumming and Saying ‘hiya!’

18/08/16

It’s been a while since my last post and I don’t know where the time has gone. I have no idea how I posted every week until recently. Now I am back at work and my boy is growing up so fast, I feel like I am constantly caught up in a big wave of being mum and having Pads time, working, getting my weekends back with the hubby in our new home, trying to keep on top of life laundry and actual laundry, and then repeat. Being back at work is going ok but how the heck do you do all the other stuff around it when you have a toddler?!!

Prepping for work is enough of a mission without the small matter of keeping our home clean and tidy and keeping on top of 3 people’s washing/eating and other needs. My prepare for work list goes something like this: sterilising bottles for my pumped goods, packing the pump, making sure the pumping bra is washed and in the work bag, packing lunches, getting my work clothes organised and in some sort of presentable state (I hate ironing with a passion, so unless an item of clothing is completely pleated with creases, I will avoid ironing at all costs), washing my hair (we still don’t have a shower so this isn’t as easy as it sounds…), making sure Paddington’s nursery and grandparents bags are fully stocked with nappies/clothing changes/sun cream/ hats etc.., and the task that I am really struggling to keep on top of but is pretty vital for the smooth running of actually getting to work and getting Pads to nursery – making sure there is enough petrol in the car.

I have always found getting petrol and having Pads with me a bit of a stressful thing to be honest, not sure why as it is all so simple on paper, but it’s the fumes, the inevitable bit of diesel on the hands and then having to take him out of his seat and into the pay area with me when he has usually just fallen asleep in the car – it’s just not a very baby friendly environment, a petrol station, is it? And for this reason, I often sail close to the wind shall we say, or in other words, sometimes get to the petrol station with just 5 miles worth of petrol left in the tank…need to stop pushing my luck on that one I think as I reckon what would be worse than getting petrol with a Paddington is breaking down because of lack of fuel with him…

And that’s just the work related stuff. The other things I am struggling with are the basics: keeping the house clean, keeping on top of laundry (this has really been slipping so thanks to the hub for picking up the slack on this). Then there’s the menu planning, cooking, shopping for food, keeping in touch with friends, finding time to do other projects, and…breathe. I used to do all these things and lots more but it’s all so much more complicated with a little one, especially because I also want to factor in Pads and mummy time everyday so just because it’s a busy work day doesn’t mean that he misses out on our quality time and connection.

Also, as he is getting older, he is demanding more attention so it’s not as easy to just pop him in his high chair (more on why this is further down!) or on the floor in the lounge to play while I get on with a simple task anymore. He wants my attention at all times at the moment and he is not happy to be locked behind a safety gate while I try and do something and will scream the place down to make sure I know that!

I am a couple of months into juggling work with Paddington, and I am also studying in the evenings and weekends, and am part of a hugely exciting and creative side project so it’s a classic case of me taking on too much here as well I think!  I like to be busy but this is super busy.  I have to say, I am missing maternity leave a lot. It gets easier right?!

Here’s what the last couple of weeks looked like amidst the chaos of piles of laundry and piles of to do lists:

1.Head case

My friend Carys mentioned that her son Jude started doing this a few weeks after he turned one, and Pads has just started doing the same thing – perhaps it’s a just an over one year old phase?! Pads has taken to putting random things on his head and finding it really amusing to do so!

He started with my cardigan, which he found on the sofa and immediately draped over his head and face and started laughing. I removed it as I wasn’t sure what he was doing and he just put it back on his head with a big grin on his face and thought it was the best game ever! Ah, the simple things in life!

Since then he has put towels, muslins, his own clothes, toys and a massive cushion on his head. He loves it and do you know what, there is something very pleasing and amusing about putting something on your head that you wouldn’t normally. I tried it and it made me smile so give it a go! Pads may well be on to something here!

2.Screech

Something else Pads has just started doing is not so much fun. My boy is a bit of a screecher now if he doesn’t get his own way. Oh dear.

He really dislikes the word no and has taken to crying now whenever we tell him he can’t do something. Now, we only say no when it’s something that is unsafe, as we aren’t the fun police, but he just ignores us which isn’t so cool (and he used to be so good at understanding and respecting the word no! Well, he definitely still understands it, he just doesn’t like it!).

He cries real tears too and then usually reaches out for me and a big old cuddle which always gets me and makes me apologise for having to say no and explain softly to him that it’s only for his own good and because I love him so much,and I wonder if he knows this is the way to get to me? Is this the start of him realising that he can win me over with cuteness, cries and cwtches?!! I think so. Well done Pads, you are growing up and learning how to brilliantly execute the art of manipulation. You will go far.

3.Never cutting his hair!

Pads has a bit of a mullet. He is working it and it looks fab but it is definitely a little Red Neck at the back and getting a bit long in the fringe (party at the back, business at the front?!!) but I am refusing to cut it yet. I love his hair so much and it is so soft and baby fresh and I don’t want that to change just yet. My pal Laura told me that once you cut it, it just grows back differently and I am not ready for that.

As long as he can see and it’s not turning into baby dreadlocks then I am leaving it be. Pads has that baby surfy skater look going on and I am all for it!

4.Pads and Siri – best buds.

An unlikely friendship/fascination has blossomed between Paddington and my phone, and more specifically, the phone’s talking assistant, Siri. Pads seems to have mastered getting Siri to talk every time he takes my phone off me. He can use it better than I can!

And he is absolutely enthralled by it. He has managed to get Siri to say the following by babbling at it when holding down the home button: ‘I am not programmed to lie’ (my favourite), ‘would you like me to search for amaya maya maya?’ (Just golden!), and the constant ‘I am not sure I understand Ceri’. Pads and Siri, a fledgling friendship.

5.The climb

All of a sudden Pads is wanting to climb anything and everything and he is daring. My boy has no fear, probably because, touch wood, so far he hasn’t really hurt himself as I am always near by and on watch. But he is getting trickier to keep up with and really sneaky.

His new favourite pastime is climbing up onto the fender surrounding the fire place and then trying to scale the fire guard. This is quite scary as that is not a safe game, and when I tell him no and take him down, he screams, boy does he scream!

He has also taken to waking up in our bed early in the morning (he sleeps much better these days, in his own cot for most of the night, but by 4am he is usually back in our bed as that way we all get another hour or so of sleep and that is so important, so it’s working for us and we are happy with that set up -for now.), and standing up by the wall behind the top of the end and trying to climb the wall. Literally, he is climbing the wall. He doesn’t get far obviously, but bless him for trying (Jon reckons he will be an intrepid free climber and base jumper when he grows up!)

We also discovered that his high chair is no longer containing his wanderlust either, as the other day I finished feeding him lunch and turned around to start washing up as I have always done, and in the time it took to wash up one small bowl, he had managed to climb out of his high chair seat and onto the tray and was peering over the ledge as if weighing up whether to try and drop off it or not…terrifying!

This is the beginning of years of climbing things he shouldn’t and giving me the heebie jeebies each time isn’t it? Streuth. That’s the life of a mother of a spirited boy I guess, and actually, I love it!

6. The baby drum circle

We went to Brecon Jazz weekend with our pals Carys and Steve and their gorgeous little boy Jude, as mentioned earlier, for a family day out with a difference. We had booked onto a percussion and wellbeing session not really knowing what to expect but thinking that our boys would love it as they love to hit things and make noise. And we weren’t wrong.

The session was a little odd overall, but there were lots of fun instruments for us and our sons to play, and they were in their element. Pads was rather taken by a large drum, and a shaker and whatever instruments anyone else had! And the boy has got rhythm. He actually has! Let’s foster this skill I think!

We then spent a gorgeous sunny afternoon listening to live music in an increasingly busy pub garden, which we had to bail out on when it got too rammed and there wasn’t any space for our boys to wander about in safely anymore. It was great fun to have a day out listening to music and in such fine company though. And Pads was in his element in drum class!

Pads is such a character at the moment. He always has been but it seems that over the past few weeks he has just started learning really fast and displaying lots of new skills really confidently and is becoming a real little boy. He is babbling more coherently and really forming his own little words, he is definitely now saying ‘hiya’ properly and waving his arm – he does this for hello and goodbye, but that’s ok! – and he loves to do it to passers by when we are out on walks. They usually do it back to him too which always makes him grin.

His walking (whilst holding on still)is becoming really strong and competent and he can stand up from sitting on the floor really fast now. He still isn’t showing signs of wanting to walk without pushing something or holding onto something but he is building his confidence and his leg strength. He was walking in the garden whilst holding onto a broom handle the other day and really taking some big and brilliant strides so perhaps he is gearing up to the big moment soon. Who knows? There’s no rush, in your own time Pads. In your own time.

 

A super fun age – Paddington, aged one year plus.

 

It’s World Breastfeeding week, so of course that has got me thinking about boobies and specifically, as a mum that pumps at work, breastfeeding and work, and how they don’t always go hand in hand.

I have found pumping at work to be quite a challenge actually, not because of work at all, they have been extremely accommodating, but because I have never been a brilliant pumper and I find it hard to get any consistency in the amounts I express day to day. Sometimes I can take 15 minutes and get a really good amount – for me that’s anywhere around 40-60ml (both boobs combined), and on other days it takes me 45 minutes and I only get about 30mls combined.

I try to keep well hydrated all day but it is such an uncontrollable thing that it relies on such a jumble of factors that can’t remain constant week from week. It depends on how well I sleep the night before, if I am feeling well or a bit under the weather, how much I have drunk (water wise!) that day and indeed the day before, what I have eaten, how I feel: happy/sad/stressed, how quiet the room is (sometimes if I hear colleagues laughing or talking loudly that takes away my focus and seems to slow down the whole process). I might be thinking of work or conscious of the time which puts me off so ends up being a false economy as then my session lasts longer. It’s very tricky to control and very tricky to measure.

I looked into the law on expressing at work too, out of interest, and it is very vague really. Women should be better protected and encouraged by law to feel more comfortable to express in the workplace. I have heard so many mums say that they gave up breastfeeding because they went back to work and just couldn’t fit pumping in or it wasn’t going well. And I can see how easily that can happen which is a bloody big shame.

The law only states that a woman has the right to express at work if she is a breastfeeding mum and that there must be a clean and private room available for her to pump that must also have somewhere for her to rest and lie down should she need to, as what people seem to forget is pumping isn’t a break, it’s actually literally and figuratively draining and can really take it out of you. I was unaware of this last point I have to say and reckon most employers are too.

This is great, that women have the right to pump at work. And that a clean and private space – so absolutely never a toilet – must be provided. But, I think the law should go further to protect breastfeeding mums and make the whole process easier, more comfortable and encouraging. We need to keep mums breastfeeding and not seeing a return to work as a reason to stop because it’s a struggle to express at work. It really doesn’t have to be and shouldn’t be.

I think that reasonable paid breaks be made mandatory for women to express in, so they don’t feel pressured by time constraints, have to clock watch which then effects stress levels and therefore milk production, and so that they feel fully supported. Obviously taking a couple of hours to pump wouldn’t be on, but a reasonable amount of time, say half an hour, is perfectly do-able, both in terms of the workplace coping with one employee having a ‘break’ for that amount of time, and for the pumping mum to get set up, settled, pumped and cleaned up in.

I pump twice a day at work currently to keep my supply up as Pads is still feeding a couple of times a day and in the morning, before bed and once in the night on average, and frankly to make myself more comfortable, as if I don’t my boobs become like rocks that are about to burst open!, and also to produce milk for Paddington’s bottles at nursery when I am at work.

When I feel under pressure or that I have to get back to my desk, I simply don’t express well and don’t get a good yield. When I feel relaxed and able to just settle into the rhythm, the whole experience goes quicker and I produce more. It’s that simple. It would be great if more workplaces supported women in this and if the law was updated to help breastfeeding mums continue to breastfeed successfully and also return to work. The two can exist together!

It is so important that the culture of going back to work meaning the end of breastfeeding stops here. It’s 2016, it’s time that outdated notion was replaced by a modern way of working with working mums to make expressing an important, recognised and valued necessity that women don’t feel penalised for or discriminated against, in asking for a decent amount of time and space to do in the workplace. Over and out.

Now onto other Paddington news:

1. First day out at the beach.

Pads had a Winter stroll on the beach in the Gower when he was just a few months old, but now he has popped his proper beach cherry. We took him to a lovely sandy and rock pool heavy beach, and after an initial wariness about the wet, sea soaked sand, he took to it like a fish in water.

However, he did keep eating the sand. By the handful, and each time pulling a sort of ‘ yuck, I won’t do that again face’, before promptly doing that again.

We took him for a paddle in the sea and at first he really wasn’t sold on the idea – after all this is Wales and the sea is cold. But after a little splash about in a lovely gentle rock pool with another baby who was experiencing beach life for the first time, he started to relax more and the second time we took him for a sea paddle he quite enjoyed it.

He loved being in his swim wetsuit with his legs out and free, but because the wetsuit has short legs and vest arms the sand did get absolutely everywhere, including in his nappy, so that was a real joy to clean up! I think it may be worth investing in a longer sleeve and shorts style wetsuit for his next beach visit, as cleaning caked on sand off a baby is not my idea of a good night in.

All in all though, I’d say Pads first proper beach day was a rip roaring success. A possible beach bum in the making? I sincerely hope so!

2. We have 8 teeth, and more coming through!

Little guy has been teething, which would explain some of the grizzly moods of late. He has new teeth coming through on the bottom gums and with this, comes more confidence with chewing and eating food. Pads has never been a huge fan of hard foods – breadsticks, oat cakes etc… have never been his bag as he just doesn’t see them as easy food. Fair enough.

However, now he has more teeth – and his front teeth are big old milk teeth! – he is finding harder food easier to manage, so toast and rice cakes and baby biscotti are all fair game. This is great news on the snack front as our options have opened up. He also loves it when we say ‘bite it!’ to him mid feed. He thinks it’s hilarious and rewards us with one of his beautiful cheeky smiles.

3. Farm park perfection 

I have to shout out about our local farm park in Raglan. It is a fantastic place and we have visited 2 days in a row this week and Pads had the best time on both occasions. He adored looking at the animals from donkeys to rare breed sheep and llamas, playing in the ball pit and soft play, balancing on the bouncy castles, riding the toy trackers, generally padding about on the floor…he was in his element.

Farm Parks are awesome places when you become a mum, and this one is really top of its game. Whilst we were enjoying our first visit, I realised that my boy understands more than he lets on I think. I was telling my gorgeous mum pal Anita how Pads never usually keeps his socks on and how I was surprised that he still had them on. He had kept his socks on all morning which is unheard of. Usually I put his socks on first thing and within 10 minutes they are off. Well, as soon as I had finished my sock talk, Pads started pulling the first sock off with considerable relish. And then the next one, chucking it out of the buggy and onto the grass. Luckily I noticed in time to retrieve it. But his timing was incredible. He just had to have understood at least the word ‘sock’ to do that immediately after me saying he never usually keeps then on that long! Child genius I tell you.

4. 4 jabs at once!

Now my boy is a year old, it was time for his next round of jabs and this one was full on! 4 jabs at once in each of his limbs. How is that fair? I would struggle with that, let alone my gorgeous little boy!

He was not happy about it. He cried real salty tears as the first jab went in and it was really heartbreaking to hear his distress as the next 3 jabs were administered. I tried to soothe him and let him know it was all ok, but he got quite hysterical with his crying and his face went all blotchy and panicked. I have never been a fan of the needle either and it seems he takes after me.

He calmed down pretty quickly once it was all over and we had a lovely snuggle and I sang ‘row row your boat’ to him a few times – it’s funny how that one song has always had a way of soothing and calming him down!

He hasn’t quite been his usual happy and chilled self since the jabs either. He has been a bit hotter, more subdued and a bit less playful, so am hoping he will return to his usual chirpy and confident self soon once those nasty viruses have worked through his little system. Worth it though to have him immunised I keep telling myself.

5. First report.

He had his first Summer report from nursery which made me an even prouder mum than I am anyway. They basically said that he was a joy to be around, that he never stops chattering away all day and that they can’t wait to see him grow and develop over the months to come. I felt so chuffed when I read it and so unbelievably proud of my little Pads. He has just taken to nursery so well, and yes there are a few tears when I drop him off, and when I pick him up but they last less than a minute and he just gets stuck into playing with the other babies and getting on with having fun. That’s my boy and he is a legend.

I have to say that I am loving this age of Paddington. He is a super fun, super loving and strong willed little dude and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

Week 52 – Happy 1st Birthday Paddington!

Week 52 – 21/07/16

So there we have it. The 1st birthday done. My baby is now a toddler. We celebrated in style with a brilliant bbq garden party we affectionately named Padfest, which was a roaring success.

53 people came in the end which was way more than we had ever hoped would come, and Pads had the best day (as did we). There was a ball pit, a tiger tunnel to climb through, a toy lawn mower that makes sounds to push along and practice walking with, Pads had his own first mini guitar to twang and a whole host of instruments to bang and shake and make noise with which we had bought him for his birthday. Along with a lot of scrummy bbq food, of which Pads had mini sausages (he prefers them without the skin on fyi), a little bit of hot dog bun, a handful of Mediterranean veg cous cous, some spoonfuls of cheesy potato bake, his very own special birthday carrot cake baked by yours truly, and my new favourite 2 ingredient dessert, banana and choc chip ‘ice cream’ – basically just blitzed and frozen bananas but it tastes so creamy and naughty! (Honestly, try it, it’s fab). He also tasted his first piece of chocolate this week as he is a one year old now and unsurprisingly, he loved it!

Needless to say he slept well that day and all through the night, and for the next two days after all that food and stimulation and a lot of socialising with babies and adults alike! The hot weather has now scuppered our excellent run of sleeps however.

Pads is a very lucky and loved little boy, that was very clear to see, and he got so many amazing pressies including a wooden rainbow dragon puzzle, fab clothes to see him through to his next birthday, a ride-on tractor that he absolutely loves, a beautiful wooden ride-on dumper truck that is a work of art, lots of fun books, a lot of truck and tractor toys (this seemed to be the theme of the day now we are country dwelling folk!), puzzles,  musical instruments, a cute pull along dog and much much more! I told you he was lucky, and our family and friends are super generous and lovely.

Thanks to everyone who came and made Padfest such a fun and special day for all, it was certainly a day we will remember forever and thanks to the wonders of camera phones, so will Pads! Next year will be bigger and better so watch this space!

I held it together most of the day too as I was kept busy making people feel welcome, doing tours of our new cottage and tending to Pads. It wasn’t until the early evening when I was putting a very worn out Pads down for the night that I had time to sit and reflect on what a monumental milestone him turning 1 was. I had a gentle weep, whilst cradling my baby (he will always be my baby), just to say goodbye to the baby era and to welcome in the toddler times ahead.

I have loved getting to know my son over his first year, helping him grow in more ways than one, and to reveal his personality, and learning how to be a parent myself. It hasn’t always been an easy journey, parenting just isn’t easy is it? But it has been one that I will never forget and that has changed me for the better. I wouldn’t change a thing about my little man’s first year, well except maybe being able to move into our cottage sooner!, as it’s what has made him the confident, fun and loving chap that he is today.

There have been many many highs and of course a few lows. Here’s my review of Paddington’s 1st action packed year, in no particular order.

The Good and the downright great

1. Giving birth, and the huge sense of achievement that came with doing it without an epidural in the end (not through choice I hasten to add – see below for more on that one), and with my life partner and hubby right by my side. I have never loved my husband more than on Paddington’s birth day.

2. Making some great new mum friends through baby groups and reconnecting with some old pals that are now mums, that I reckon, and hope, I will have for life – you know who you are and you are amazing and our shared experiences and your support and availability have been so important to me. I have loved getting to know your babies and little ones too and hope we continue to meet up, swap stories, share advice and let our babes play together and continue to form cute little friendships.

3. Experiencing some really fun baby classes and groups, from Baby Sensory to Sing and Sign, Baby Acorns local new mum support group, Water Babies swimming and my personal favourites, The Daisy Foundation Tinies and Wrigglers classes which gave me the confidence and tools to really interact and play with my son from a very early age and has absolutely helped shape him into the sociable and confident little guy he is now. I loved my Daisy experience so much I may have some exciting news to share with you soon….

4. The first time Pads smiled at me, it looked a bit like a wonky grimace and may have just been wind, but it was the first hint of his personality to come and he hasn’t stopped smiling and laughing since. Our most frequent comment from strangers and passers-by is still ‘what a happy little fellow he is’ or ‘isn’t he a joy’ and yes, he most certainly is.

5. I am especially proud of how Pads has settled into nursery and his grandparent days. They obviously love having him but it’s clear that he loves spending time with them too and they are building a really special grandparent/grandson relationship that is so important. He is a real hit at nursery too. He often gets comments in his day book saying what a happy little fella he is and how he has laughed and babbled away merrily all day, playing with everything and everyone with such vim and vigour. That’s my boy!

6. The first time he rolled over and crawled and pulled himself up onto the furniture and walked with his walker, basically whenever he has learnt a new physical skill – he has always been such a physical, determined little soul, wanting to be on the move from the very start and very impatient to learn, and I love this about him. He has such a tenacious, fun loving and committed spirit that just rubs off on you.

7. The way he always, always used to kick his legs furiously when laying on his back like an energiser bunny! And in the bath which caused great hilarity as he soaked the floor, the walls, me and usually Jon too! Bath time has mostly, been a lot of fun, after the first few attempts which he hated!,  full of splashing and floating and playing. At the moment he has decided he doesn’t want to bathe unless I go in with him, but I must admit I enjoy our little tub time and skin to skin bath boob as much as he does and if it gives him more confidence in the water, that’s fine (plus I get a nice early evening splash about and cool soak too – particularly lovely in this hot weather)

8. The smell of his head as a newborn, and to be honest, even though it doesn’t smell quite as sweet, and almost vanilla like anymore, it is still one of my favourite smells in the whole wide world. I love to nestle my face into his hair and rest my cheek on his head. Just lush. Do you think he will always let me do this?!

9. His face. It isn’t just me on this either, he really is a seriously cute and good looking boy and when he smiles I just melt. From his sparkling blue almond shaped eyes to his big milky teeth and cute little button nose, I could, and do, stare at his gorgeous little face all day long. He is going to break hearts this one.

10. The adorable way he has always sucked his thumb and the gentle soothing sucking sounds he makes. I have always loved this and love that we never had to use a dummy – for a lot of people they work really well and I have no problem with them, but I am happy we never had to try to use them. His thumbs seem fine too, one isn’t any bigger than the other yet, and if he gets comfort from thumb sucking and can self soothe this way, I am all for it! Besides, his dad did it until he was 10 and he has good thumbs!

11. The first time he made a sound other than crying! He now barely stops babbling or making the cutest Chewbacca style gargling noises. And he is loud! I love that he has so much to say and is forming little made up words all the time from ‘bunga bunga’ to ‘gavunk’. It really sounds like he is trying to say ‘hiya’ at the moment too so we are encouraging that! He has always been very vocal and has loved experimenting with noises and levels of volume etc. He is an all in kind of guy with whatever he does and I just adore that quality.

12. The way he snuggles in for cwtches now with his head tucked in between my neck and my shoulder and his arms and legs wrapped tight around me – sometimes I wish we could just stay like that forever but then we would never get anything done! He holds me particularly tight like this when I drop him off and pick him up from nursery and it’s so hard to break free from that adorable little snuggle because I just don’t want to.

13. The way he reaches his arms up when he wants to be picked up or wants a snuggle and the way he gives a big wet open-mouthed, occasionally nibbly little kiss on my nose, mouth or face in general. These kind of moments just make it all so worthwhile. I also love how he clambers all over me playfully and instigates play cheekily. He just loves to feel close and be connected to people. It’s such a great way to be Pads, never lose that!

14. Learning to breastfeed efficiently and comfortably. I am super proud of both of us that we made it to a full year of breastfeeding together and I am hoping we can continue to at least 18months if that’s what Pads wants to do and I reckon he does! It wasn’t easy and requires a lot of effort and perseverance on both sides but it has been so worth it for both of us.

15. Booby bonding in general has been a highlight for me. I love that I can give him something that nobody else can and that we have worked at it and seen it through. I love our booby bonding before I drop him off at nursery and when I pick him up, and just before bed. It’s just a very quiet, peaceful and loving time between me and my son and it’s something I will treasure forever and feel so privileged to have been able to do.

16. The way he now asks for booby milk by cheekily tapping at my chest or tugging at my top. Subtle Pads, but pretty funny all the same!  (I do wish he wasn’t so fascinated in my neck mole though as he is forever tugging at or pinching it during a feed or when he hasn’t seen me in a while and it hurts!)

17. Seeing the world through my son’s excited and fresh eyes – he has taught me to slow down and smell the flowers and shown me what is really important and what really isn’t anymore. I especially love taking him on walks and watching his face light up when he sees something new or fun or spots a bird or animal, and the way he now points at anything that excites or interests him or that he wants. He is a good little communicator even without words yet!

18. His laugh, oh my days his laugh – it’s just delicious and I will do anything to hear it over and over again. I am happy to play the fool any time to get a laugh out of my boy. He is cheeky with it and definitely has a wicked sense of humour forming.

19. Watching my baby grow and develop physically as well as socially, from having very little hair to growing his luscious thick blonde barnet, and seeing his tiny, skinny little limbs plump out into the healthily chubby and gorgeously rolled ones he has now – baby thighs are just so darn cute aren’t they?!- to seeing him learn new skills, from not being able to grip a thing apart from my finger when he was first born, soooo cute!, to wrapping his tiny hands around his rattle and now holding and throwing/banging/ripping everything so confidently and assuredly. Every new development and skill learnt has been an honour and a joy to be part of and I have especially loved watching his character form and show itself so strongly. He is quite a dude already.

20. The way he constantly babbles and sings away to himself in the car or at home or to strangers, in fact most of the time, his happiness and wonder are infectious. If I could bottle it, I could retire early.

21. Our evening sleep routine where I sing our two special lullabies to him as he feeds and cuddles into my arms or chest and gently falls asleep (not always of course and not without a lot of persuasion often as he is just so into everything and hates missing out on anything!), but it’s still one of the best parts of my day to just be still with him and holding my baby in my arms helping him to rest and relax – it makes me feel all kinds of lucky and blessed to be able to do that every night.

22. His feet. I have always loved baby feet and Pads has some cute ones (especially good for playing ‘this little piggy with’, which always gets a fantastic chortle out of him- double win!)

23. Waking up with his beautiful blue eyes looking up at me, this is now of course accompanied with a rough finger up the nostril or a smack in the face, but still, I love that connection and closeness, unless he catches me in the eye then I am not so cool with it (not a huge fan of the incessant and really hard pinching either!). We have always, safely, co-slept as it just felt right for us and I do love that we all get to be together every morning (perhaps not so much in the wee small hours when I get an arm or foot flung in my face!). He sleeps in his cot too, for most of the night, but he is usually back in the big bed around 4am every morning as that just works for us to all get a bit more sleep and some more snuggles!

24. Being the one who rocks and sings him to sleep every night and watching him sleep so peacefully when he finally gives into the tiredness, with those gorgeous sleepy murmur sounds that go with it – even if it is just for a few hours before he has me awake again and wishing he would just go back to sleep! A sleeping baby is just the most peaceful and innocent sight there is I reckon.

25. The oxytocin love-ins that would come on in huge waves in those early weeks as I looked down at my sleeping/feeding/kicking son, and they still happen a year later and feel just as good. There’s just more of him to love now.

26. All of the castles, walks and outings we have experienced together. Having Pads has definitely made me appreciate nature again and to realise and utilise the many amazing attractions and places of interest I have right on my doorstep. I love how we have always had an active and outdoorsy approach to each day and have lost count of the number of historical buildings, viewpoints, roadsides, fields and lay-bys we have sat in and breast fed in over the months! We definitely got about a fair bit me and Pads and have had lots of fun adventures in the great outdoors – and we have only just begun!

27. Weaning, boy that has been fun and touch wood, so far has gone very well. From puréed potato as his first ever food to samphire and roasted fennel with harissa crusted trout and birthday carrot cake, Pads has taken to eating and tasting new foods like an absolute pro and I have so loved cooking for him and watching his taste buds start to develop. Definitely my son! Now he can have pretty much any food, within moderation, so it’s about to get really interesting for him and for us in the kitchen!

28. The amazing sisterhood of supportive and brilliant mums that I have met or been in touch with just because we all have or have had babies or kids, and not all new mums either, some of you have kids that have flown the nest but we will be forever linked as we are both mums so there’s solidarity and a connection there that is truly awesome. I couldn’t have got through some of the low and insecure times without you all and it’s great to be in your gang (Taylor Swift’s squad has got nothing on us…right, ladies?!)

29. Even Flow.  I still haven’t had a period again yet which is pretty awesome (think of all the money I’ve saved on Tampax!) – that’s due to the frequent breastfeeding still, so thank you Pads!

30. Buying and receiving baby clothes – they are just too darn cute and H and M is my weakness, I cannot resist their ranges. I also seem to have a big thing for babies in stripes. Pads has a lot of striped clothing…

I could go on and on and on clearly, as every day is filled with highlights.

However, there have also been some definite lows, and blips, but each one has made us stronger and has passed as quickly as it came.

The not so good 

1. Being told I wasn’t going to have a Caesarian after moving hospitals (and countries!). I was all set to have an elective c section throughout my pregnancy when we were living in London, then we moved back to Wales a few weeks before the due date and that all changed. I wasn’t going to get an elective c-section here and that feeling of terror and of losing control was a bitter pill to swallow at 9 months pregnant, in a heat wave, having just moved out of London and boxed up all of my belongings and not being able to move into our cottage for quite some time (10 months worth of time as it would turn out!). That was a very hard and emotional time at a time when just being pregnant was hard and emotional enough!( It all turned out well in the end though – see below)

2. Struggling with our breastfeeding at the start with a poor latch, low weight gain for Pads and lots of scary green poo (thank you so much once again to all the friends that helped us with advice and to Carol the lactation goddess for setting us on the path to righteousness, otherwise known as biological feeding and relaxing into it)

3. The engorged boobs, sore and cracked nipples and aching arms that come with cluster feeding and the early weeks of both of you learning to breastfeed, and the biting and resting teeth marks that follow when you are still breastfeeding an older baby with a fine set of gnashers!

4. Always being covered in a bit of baby sick, chewed food, or perhaps a bit of poo (the memory of a very tired Jon hopping back into bed after yet another nappy change in one of the early weeks and accidentally smearing a streak of baby poo across his eyebrow still tickles me!) and only being able to wear tops or dresses that I can easily access my boobs in – this can be quite limiting and I long to wear some of my old dresses and tops that you just can’t breastfeed in without basically taking the whole thing off! One day. One day.

5. Many, many sleepless nights (I have not had a proper night’s sleep for almost 2 years I would say) and constant stressing about losing sleep and not getting enough sleep and incessantly researching how to make a baby sleep through the night bla bla bla. Sleep was my nemesis for far too long. Learning to accept that Pads is just not a good sleeper has taken a long time and it’s only in the past couple of months that I have been able to just go with it, stop counting the wakings and stop stressing about sleep. Things have started to improve around the same time so whether that is coincidence or as a direct result of the new approach, I guess I’ll never know!

6. Being ill in charge of a baby and having a poorly baby full stop. Both are really sucky. Padstar’s never ending cold and cough finally seems to be going, fingers crossed!, and I hated seeing him so drowsy and unsettled after his first immunisations. You just want to make everything better for them instantly and it’s hard to see them suffer in anyway. Likewise, being ill with tonsillitis or food posioning myself and trying to still look after Pads and give him the attention he deserves was pretty draining and required a lot of digging deep to get through the day! Long gone are the days when being ill means resting in bed, watching movies snuggled up in a duvet on the sofa and having early nights that’s for sure!

7. Dropping Pads into the boot of the car onto the soft part of his head by accident whilst trying to get him into his sling as he kicked his legs against my tummy…never a good thing to have to admit and having that first scary visit to a and e on my own, with a few weeks old baby, whilst Jon was working in London and my mum was away was not great. I still feel guilty and awful about that incident to this day, even though he was absolutely fine and I did the right thing, quickly, by getting him looked at.  I am so glad he is now more robust and that soft patch on his head has toughened up. It always freaked me out, surely a design fault?!

8. The Absolute exhaustion and overall body pain in those few days after giving birth – no one really prepares you for that and it seems nuts doesn’t it that when you are first charged with the most valuable and fragile and vulnerable little being, you are at your most tired and stretched – literally. Still, you manage everything in the end and it’s a wonder how resilient and amazing the human body is at repairing itself and keeping you going when you must, and people generally really want to help so thanks for everyone who stepped in when we needed it most.

9. Poo-nami explosions when you are out and about and don’t have a change of clothes to hand (for either of you), and getting projectile baby sick in your mouth (yes that did happen…). There is little to no dignity or shame left after becoming a mum, from the legs-akimbo semi-naked check-ups to a bare-all-whatever-way-your-baby comes-out-birth, to episiotomies and boobs out in public if you breastfeed, your body is most definitely no longer your own and your privates are anything but!

10. The long, lonely nights when Pads just wouldn’t sleep or settle and would just cry and I had no idea why or what I was doing (I still don’t to be honest, I just don’t sweat it anymore!). This was also when Jon worked away in the big smoke unfortunately, whilst I was literally ‘holding the baby’ here in Wales, when I just felt so alone and scared and overwhelmed and wished he was there to just reassure me or share the burden of responsibility with. I do not miss those days at all and take my hat off to any single parents doing it all by themselves, you are heroes as it really isn’t easy and I am glad it’s now very much a 2 person job for us.

11. Reading a certain baby book that told me I needed to create a routine for my baby, which when I tried to implement said suggestions, turned into 2 of the worst and most soul destroying days I had as a parent (babies and routines do not necessarily go hand in hand, it totally depends on you and your baby and there is absolutely no one size fits all solution. I wish I had known that then.) We were actually doing just fine before I tried to shake things up and we went back to being just fine once I came to my senses and put that book down, so my advice for future mums would be, do not force a routine, especially somebody else’s routine, just go with the flow and you will find your own rhythm eventually. It may take a while, so just accept that and if what you’re doing works for you then go with it, if it doesn’t, by all means look for or ask for help, but take it with a pinch of salt and don’t be afraid to adjust any advice to suit you and your baby, after all, no one is an expert on your baby, not even you to begin with!

12. The constant worrying and self doubt and middle of the night Google search fuelled panic sweats that you have just committed the biggest parenting sin ever by not swaddling/swaddling your baby or co-sleeping with/not co-sleeping with your baby and so on and so forth. There will always be someone to tell you that you are doing it wrong and that they did it this way which was better, and there will always be someone who will judge you, but screw all of them. Trust in yourself and your instincts and listen to your baby’s cues and demands, and stay safe and informed of course, and you can’t really go wrong. There is no right way to parent, there is just your way, so stick with it!

13. And lastly, the biggest low of them all for me – the piles, man they lasted a long time and are absolutely horrible. I am happy to report they have finally gone – for now!

The highs absolutely outweigh the lows of course and I am grateful to have experienced all of this, the good and the not so good.  Honestly, I am (except maybe the piles. I could have skipped them quite happily).

And do you know what, that’s just the things I can remember, as so much happens in the first year and it’s all so new and full on and relentless that it is so easy to forget. I remember friends with newborns just a few days old asking me for advice when Pads was a only few months old, and I had already forgotten most things we went through and whatever the biggest worries were at each stage! Which is why I am so grateful that I kept this blog as I can now look back and see what happened when and jog those memories.

Looking back is lovely but I am most excited now about looking forward, and more than that, living in the moment with my gorgeous little toddler. The love I have for my little bundle of fun is beyond words, though I have tried to put it into words in this here blog, and I hope I have succeeded just a little bit to convey just how much I love being his mum.

He has changed me and my life is not my own anymore, not completely, as his needs and wants come first, so I have had to adjust, and thats okay. This baby/toddler/totally dependant stage isn’t forever and so what if I can’t go to the pub after work for a cider or I can’t go to that Pilates class because it clashes with bath and bed time and my Padstar still wants and needs me, his old mum, to be there for that every single night at the moment? I have never not put him to bed and that’s just fine with me. That’s what we both want and I am more than happy to do it. There will be plenty of time to have that pint of cider and take up a Pilates class when he is older and not interested in hanging out with his mum and I am hardly going to regret not doing those things when I am old and looking back on my life am I?! But I will be grateful that I spent so much time with my son and put him first at all times. I am just making the most of this precious time while I can!

I wanted to end by saying thank you to all of you who have ever read this blog, especially you regular readers. I have appreciated all of your comments and likes and shares, I really have. This has been the best outlet for me to sound my worries and share my experiences, good and bad, and hopefully offer, and receive support, and I have loved writing this every week. It’s been very cathartic. It gave me a bit of my old creative self back when I needed it most too.

Now my son is a year old, I won’t be writing every week because, well, life is just too busy and I don’t want to miss a beat! With Pads, work, the cottage and a few exciting projects in the pipeline, I am evolving the blog into more of a fortnightly or monthly thing, so I will still be blogging about parenting Paddington, but just not as frequently and not as a week by week account anymore (nobody wants to be reading ‘Week 967 – Paddington finishes his A-levels!’ do they, least of all Pads himself!).

Before I sign off on the last week of my son’s first year, I wanted to share my birthing story with you, as a celebration of Paddington’s entry into the world and to demonstrate how positive an experience child birth can be, even when you are absolutely terrified of doing it and don’t think your body will be able to do it, as I was. Your body can do it. It can do anything. It’s amazing. Really. Mine still amazes me every day.

This is the story of Paddington’s birth as I remember it, there may be a few things out of order or missed out as I was too involved in the process to be aware of every detail, but it went a lot like this:

Mine and Paddington’s birthing story. 

Over 1 year and 3 days ago today, this happened:

It started with a dodgy tum. I had had venison burgers for tea and then retired for an early night to bed around 9pm ish. At around 11pm I felt what I could only associate as stomach cramps that you get before a spate of the runs, so I rushed off to the toilet, where I spent the best part of half an hour having the shits. (This is going to be a no holds barred account so those of a nervous disposition, just skip to the end!)
I thought nothing more of it as I was already 9 days late and had given up on thinking every stomach movement or sensation was the onset of labour. We had been booked in to be induced in 3 days time so I had just resigned myself to that.

We had a birthing plan in place that I was pretty happy with, after I had been heavily discouraged/told that I would not be having my elective c section here in Wales by a very brisk consultant, which was what I was going to have had, had we stayed in London for the birth. I had wanted one because I was absolutely terrified of giving birth, it gave me cold sweats and the thought of it made me shake and feel sick. To find out so close to my due date that everything I had been  gearing up towards was not going to happen felt like someone had pulled the floor from beneath me and turned me into a sobbing wreck for a couple of days whilst I processed this new information.

I could have appealed and insisted to see another consultant and demanded a c- section of course, but that would have been really stressful and I didn’t want to put myself or my baby through that, so after a very wobbly tear-stained few days, and a visit to the hospital to talk about giving birth a go and the safety nets that we could put in place to make me feel less anxious and more in control of it, I started to come round to the idea. It would be nice to have at least tried to give birth vaginally I suppose and if I just couldn’t do it, as I was so convinced I couldn’t as I thought I had a really low pain threshold, then we worked out a plan of action to then go for a Caesarian, so really there was nothing to lose- right?!

I started doing daily hypno-birthing CDs in the 2 weeks leading up to the due date, with this new plan of giving birth a go, to try and calm myself down and prepare mentally for what was to come. I wasn’t convinced that just working on my breathing and listening to affirmations and somebody telling me that everything was going to be fine and that my body was amazing and would know what to do, was going to do any good, but I actually found the CDs incredibly relaxing and soothing instantly, and they were keeping me calm and positive, which was a surprise to me. I wouldn’t know how much the breathing techniques and calm and controlled mindset that the CDs subtly transferred to me, would really end up helping, until a little later on however.

The new birthing plan was simple: get to hospital when already in  labour using the hypno-birthing techniques to get to this stage, have an immediate epidural on arrival, along with gas and air and try and give birth vaginally (I hate the word ‘naturally’ as it belittles other births and they are all just as important as the other). If after an agreed time, I just couldn’t do it, then I would go to theatre and have the c- section I had so desperately wanted. It was a fair compromise. I didn’t want any pethidine, and definitely not an episiotomy or forceps or vonteause to be used to aid the delivery. So those three things were definitely not going to happen under my watch…

Anyway, I went back to bed but I just couldn’t settle as those pesky stomach cramps were getting a bit stronger and I felt like I still needed the loo all the time, so back to the bog for me where I sat, gripping the towel rail as the cramps intensified quite quickly. You may think by now I had cottoned on to the fact that this may not be the burger’s fault, but I hadn’t. I still honestly thought this was a dodgy tum, as I do get them a lot and that’s what it felt like, just a really intense version. Almost an hour passed by and that towel rail was being tested as I used it to hang some of my upper body weight on as I rode what I now know were the early contractions.

Tired and fed up of sitting on the loo, I came back to bed and thought the worst of my food bug had to be over now. Jon woke up at this point and said, ‘are you ok? What’s wrong with your breathing? Are you in labour?’. It was probably around 1am by now and I hadn’t even noticed that I was breathing really deeply and slowly as it was helping with the stomach cramps. I had just started doing it naturally and instinctively (and thanks to those breathing CDs!). I still insisted that it wasn’t labour as I would surely know when that was starting, mother’s intuition and all that, but Jon was having none of it and switched the light on and made me sit up and look at him.

It was then that I admitted that I was really in pain and the contractions were becoming more and more regular and lasting longer. Suddenly, it was apparent that this wasn’t food poisoning or whatever, this was it. I was in labour. Shit. We looked at each other in a sort of half mild panic, half excited this is the moment we have been waiting for for 10 months but what do we do know sort of expression, and Jon decided we should call the midwives at the hospital and get their advice. So he took charge of that as I sat panting quietly and as doubled over as I could be with a massive bump, on the edge of the bed, trying to get comfortable and failing miserably.

The midwives asked for me to be put on the phone where they enquired about my contractions; how frequent, how long, how intense etc…I was still able to talk quite coherently to them through the waves and they were a good few minutes apart still and only lasting around 10 seconds, so they said to keep timing them and try and get some sleep if I could and call back when we thought they were more regular, longer and more intense.

I absolutely did not want to go to hospital and get turned back because I wasn’t far enough along so I was thankful that they told me to stay put for now. I was determined to get as far along as possible on my own so that when we went to hospital, that would be it and I could have my epidural straight away – that was my endgame. Jon wanted to get us to the hospital there and then as he was sure the contractions were getting more frequent but I dug my fat, swollen heels in. I wanted to go when we were sure I was properly in labour, as the hospital was less than 10 minutes away, so I was in no rush, besides I think I also wanted to hang on to life as I knew it for just a little bit longer too. I don’t know why I was so insistent and that this was so important to me all of a sudden, but it was my way of keeping control on something I had no control over and a hot and tired pregnant lady who has just gone into labour must be adhered to!

The next few hours sort of passed by in a bit of a blur really. I tried sitting on the birthing ball to relieve some of the pain and heaviness but the second I sat on it, the pain increased so that plan was aborted. I tried pacing around the lounge and the bedroom which helped keep me distracted for a bit but I gradually got slower and my steps less certain as the contractions got more full on. Jon tried to give me back rubs that we had practiced in our NCT class but I literally bit his head off snapping ‘don’t touch me!’, so was clearly not in the mood for that!

I drank water, nibbled on a biscuit, put the TV – or was it some music? – on in the background, I honestly can’t remember!, as a feeble attempt to divert my attention from what was happening and just breathed. I certainly couldn’t sleep as the hospital midwife had suggested! No way to block out these feelings and sensations.

I just wanted to stay calm and positive and go wth it, whatever was coming next, and that’s when the hypno-birthing breathing techniques really came into their own and they would continue to get me through the whole birth. Amazing what a bit of controlled and steady breathing can do really.

Cut to around about 5.30am and the contractions were now just minutes apart and lasting for a good 45 seconds, some longer. Jon had wanted to call the hospital on the hour every hour but I had remained insistent that we would go when I just couldn’t take it anymore and when we were certain not to have to come back home. He got the midwife on the phone again and I tried to talk to them but I was so lost in the contractions, the pain just taking over my consciousness, and so focused on my breathing and the sheer frequency of the contractions that I could barely get any words out and mostly just gave guttural murmurs down the line as I tried to cope with the pain through my breath and release of sounds. It didn’t take them long to say, I think you had better get down here right away!

Getting to the car was a struggle as I could hardly put any weight on one of my legs as it sent pain into my pelvis and I was so focused on riding my contractions, with barely any recovery time to catch my breath and prepare for the next one, so Jon had to basically drag me and lower me into the car seat. No mean feat! He drove really steadily all the way as I writhed about in discomfort, and pulled at the seat belt which was making me feel really confined, and kept making my ‘argh’ and ‘ooh’ sounds to distract myself. It felt like the longest and bumpiest journey in the world.

We got there by about 6am I think, and were ushered in and taken to a small assessment room. The midwife could see that I was in a lot of pain so she went to sort out some gas and air, whilst I waddled off to the loo where I promptly had my show. She then said ‘let’s take a look and see how far along you are…’, and started to examine me, she looked at me almost instantly and said ‘well done you, we better get you into the big room, you are nearly 10cms dilated’, which I have since learnt was quite an achievement and most definitely a sign of being in real labour! Excellent. So far, so on plan.

She asked if I still wanted the epidural as I would have to be sited for it right now or it would be too late for it to be administered and take affect. I tripped over my words saying ‘yes please, let’s get it done!’, as the thought of that epidural was what was keeping me going really. It was my lifeline.

I was taken to the birthing room and the midwife tried to site the drips for my epidural a couple of times but was struggling to get a good vein. I had blood dripping down my arms but I didn’t care as I was about to get the ultimate in pain relief and keep in control of this birth. Except, I wasn’t and that’s not what happened.

Like a hammer to a stone, the midwife came back in after a few minutes after urgently sending for the anaesthetist, looking very serious. She said the words I had not wanted to hear. ‘He has been called to an emergency in theatre and is the only one in this morning. I’m sorry but there will be no epidural’. And just like that my control fell from my hands, whipped around my head and smacked me in the face. I had two choices. Panic and put my baby and myself under unnecessary strain and possible danger, or admit defeat, let it go and fall back into the arms of the experts and my beloved husband around me and just trust in them. Luckily, I found the strength to chose the 2nd option and decided to make my breathing my main concern and leave Jon to manage the room and be my spokesperson. He would know what was best for me and our baby. And he really did us both proud.

From here on in, time became irrelevant and everything just sort of happened around me. Jon was my rock and my absolute pillar of strength, I could not have done it without him. He was administer of gas, air and weak orange squash to keep my energy levels up and hydrate me, and kept my sweaty brow cool with a cold flannel and gave me constant words of soft encouragement throughout the whole experience, telling me to dig deep when it really mattered. He believed in me and helped me believe in myself. He stood up for the whole tine and never took his eyes off me or off the ball. He is my hero.

I know that the contractions just seemed to run into one another for what felt like forever, and I had seconds to try and catch my breath and prepare mentally and physically for the next rolling sensation. I had a system whereby I would ride out one contraction just by focusing on my breath and letting out whatever sounds I needed to, then for the next one I allowed myself a big suck of gas and air, then for the next one a big glug of squash before I went into it, and so on. This pattern just seemed to help me deal with the constant onslaught and kept me focused.

The midwife was exceptional. Keeping my flannel cold and wet, as being the hottest human on earth anyway, I was in another realm of sweaty and sticky on this, the hottest day of the year, and through having to put so much effort into my breathing and just being in the moment. She was calm and controlled and patient and I trusted her totally.

I know that suddenly my waters broke and I felt like I had covered the whole room in liquid, so much so that I apologised to everyone for making such a mess! (I hadn’t covered the room at all!). I know that my waters breaking was the most intense and incredible feeling of force and release I have ever experienced and I was not expecting that! That is so not how it happens in the movies!

I know that I started needing to push after a while, and that I ran out of gas and air and this nearly sent me into a panic until I managed to calm myself down with my breathing again and just sort of fall into the sensations and embrace the pain. Sounds hippy chicky I know but that’s how it was.

I know that they replaced the gas and air canister and I felt in control again. I know that I started pushing and it was intense. I know that I couldn’t quite get my breathing right when pushing and was holding my breath and turning a shocking shade of scarlet apparently!

I know that I was knackered and struggling to find any energy and that I had refused every bit of food we had so lovingly packed in our hospital bag as the last thing I wanted was to eat. I know that I wasn’t pushing as hard and as often as I needed to and I was really trying. Trying harder than I have ever tried at anything before in my life. I know that I heard Jon and the midwife saying something about Pethidine and how I needed some extra help to deal with the pain and I know that I said ‘OK, whatever you think’ even though it had been an absolute no on my birthing plan because by this point I just didn’t care. I just wanted to deliver my baby safely and I was so so so beyond tired. (And quite high from the gas and air too!).

I know there was an injection and then I know very little from this point on as I became a space cadet just mumbling ‘it’s ok’ and then fading off into my own little bubble of pain and intensity. It didn’t help with the pain unfortunately, it just made me feel a bit removed from myself and a bit more relaxed I suppose. A ‘what will be will be’ sort of mind set. Thankfully Jon was with me to hold my sweaty hand and be my voice, ears and eyes as I was just breathing, pushing and trying to stay afloat and not let the pain take me down into a panic or a route of self-doubt.

What I didn’t know was I had now been properly pushing for almost 2 hours full on and my body couldn’t really give anymore. Also I didn’t know that Paddington’s heart rate was slowing as he was getting stuck in the birthing canal, as I kept giving one really good, strong push that pushed him forward then not having the energy to keep that level of force up for the next 2 pushes, so he was then slipping backwards again each time.

I didn’t know that they were discussing the very real option of taking me to theatre next as they could see that I just couldn’t give anymore and they didn’t want our baby to be put under anymore distress sliding in and out of the birthing canal for much longer.

I do know that the midwife asked me if I used to be a horse rider, which I did, as she was concerned how tough my pelvic floor muscles and perineum were. Basically there wasn’t enough stretching happening to get my baby out, so a decision was quickly made to give me another absolute no from my birthing plan – an episiotomy, as a last attempt to help me deliver my baby out the front door before the last resort that anyone wanted to take at this stage, Caesarian. Ironic really as that is what I had wanted in the first place and now I was on the same side as the midwife and doctor that I didn’t want one after all of this effort unless absolutely necessary!

Jon made the final decision after consulting with the midwife and the doctor, who had now become involved in the birth because of the time it was taking and for the welfare of our baby. I gave a mumbled ‘yeah ok, whatever is best’ as my consent and I really was ok with it because I just wanted my baby out now and I put my trust wholeheartedly into my husband and the experts around me. So what if this wasn’t going to plan?! It was going and we were nearing an end which is all I needed to know.

Jon distracted me as the doc carried over his tools and one of the most painful bits of the whole birth was something I hadn’t expected, an injection into my nethers to numb the area ready for the incision. It was a sharp and instant shock and I yelped and lifted my body off the bed in reaction. But it was over quickly and that was all I felt of what was happening down there, so it was worth it!

One quick clean cut later and I was told to give the 3 best, strongest pushes of my life. I tried. I mean I really tried (and this is probably when the piles arrived to be honest!) and my baby was crowning. Everyone was excited and urging me on as there was a head at last! A baby’s head! This bit then went so fast. We were at the final hurdle and our baby had to come out now and quickly because air flow was restricted in there and the heartbeat wasn’t as strong as they would’ve liked it to be at that moment due to the stress my baby was under slipping backwards and forwards in the birthing canal.

I heard the words ‘kiwi vonteause’ and that it would really help me if I could give it one more triage of pushes, just to pull my baby past the exit and out into the world. That was another no from my plan but we had decided if push came to shove (ha!), we would take the kiwi version of the vonteause option as it was operated by the doctor’s strength only and not mechanical.

With a frantic and determined look, we all nodded, ‘just do it’, and with that the contraption was torn from its sealed sterile package, placed on our baby’s head and with a 1,2,3 I pushed with everything I had left in me. Salt n Pepa’s immortal lyrics of ‘p p push it real good!’ were whirring around my sleep deprived and drug induced brain and suddenly there was that feeling of immense force and release and instant relief as our baby shot out at quite a speed into the waiting arms of the midwife. Paddington was born! It was all over. (Well apart from the small matter of birthing the placenta, which I took an injection to ensure happened quickly and then getting sewn back up – this all happened while I was feeding and cradling my newborn baby in my arms however so I didn’t notice it happening and frankly couldn’t give a damn by this point. My baby was safe and born and that was all that mattered.)

The moment Paddington popped out, quite literally, and at 11.48am exactly, will be forever etched on my brain. I screamed with exertion and might, so the first words I said to my Pads as he entered the world were ‘I’m sorry baby! Sorry I screamed!’. Jon had the biggest smile on his face and said ‘well done baby. You are my hero’, quickly followed by ‘do you want to know who it is?’. I had completely forgotten that we didn’t know what gender we were having, I was just happy to have a healthy baby that was finally out!

When he announced that we had a son, I swelled with pride and joy, the same as I would’ve done if Pads had been a girl to be fair because we honestly had no preference. Having spent a year in Padstar’s company though and experiencing the wonder of being a mother to a gorgeous loving little boy, I think I would definitely have chosen to have a boy.

Pads was quickly checked over, then placed into my waiting arms, where Jon and I just soaked in his perfect features, tiny fragility and amazingness. How was this incredible child ours?! We were so lucky and continue to be the luckiest people alive to have him in our lives.

The midwife helped us to get Pads into a skin to skin feeding position and he latched on straight away. It was the oddest sensation to be suckled on and I remember thinking I’m not sure about this at first and then feeling hugely emotional about what I was able to do as a woman, and feed my son from my own body. Then the tears were welling in my eyes as I sat there covered in goodness knows what gunk and goo without a care in the world, breast feeding my son as I had so wanted to be able to do.

Jon cut the cord at some point as we had wanted delayed cord clamping so at least we achieved something off our list!, and Pads was whisked off to be cleaned up a bit, weighed (a respectable 7.8lbs of yumminess) and put into his first ever super soft baby duck print baby grow and knitted beanie hat to keep him cosy now he was out in the open.

I had a bath and my muscles and body felt like I had been doing hurdles and several marathons all night. I was hyper and exhausted and elated and blissfully unaware of anything other than the fact that we were now parents and our son was here. We were in a glorious little family bubble where it felt like we were the only people in the world for a while.

So that didn’t go at all to plan did it? It was pretty much the opposite of what I had wanted in the first place and all of the things I insisted I didn’t want to happen, had to in the end for the sake of me and my baby, and thats the whole point.

My biggest piece of advice to any new mum anxious about giving birth is to just trust in yourself and your body’s abilities, it will honestly amaze you whatever happens, and most importantly trust in those around you and just go with it. The only thing that matters is your baby coming out safely and you being in one piece (albeit with a few stitches to patch you up if needs be!), and both of you being healthy. That’s it.

Candles, music, no drugs, etc… Etc…don’t matter at all when you are in the process of bringing life into the world, so just go with the flow and have someone you trust with yours and your baby’s life by your side to hold your hand, mop your brow, keep you hydrated, tell you that you are amazing and that you can do it when you feel like you can’t, and to speak up and listen for you when you are lost in the sensations of labour. I am very happy with my birth story and I can’t thank my husband and the midwife and doctor team enough for giving us the best care and helping to bring Paddington in to the world as safely as possible.

After the birth, we then embarked upon the incredible journey that is learning to parent Paddington. A journey we will forever be on and forever learning on the job. And do you know what? It really is the best job on the planet.

Paddington, we love you to the moon and back and then a little bit more.

 

Week 51 -Mummy’s Boy (always and forever)

Week 51 -12/07/16

So this is it. Paddington’s penultimate week as a non one year old. Streuth. When people said the time would fly by, I nodded politely but didn’t understand. When people said they grow up so quickly, I smiled but didn’t quite comprehend how quickly. And when people said, they are only little babies for such a short time, I said ‘yes’ but didn’t really get it. Oh but I do now!

Pads you were so small, so skinny, so fragile and so much a baby just a few months ago. And now look at you my gorgeous tall, lush blonde haired and clear blue eyed, pot bellied, wrinkly and always bruised knee’d little beaut of a boy.

I never knew a love like this existed before becoming a mum and I feel so lucky to be experiencing this. I never knew such sheer and pure joy either – not the absolute innocent kind that a baby experiences and passes on like an infectious happiness bug – Pads keeps reminding me to let the insignificant things go and appreciate the little moments and important parts of life more. He is a wise little fella already.

Why stress about how shitty a day might have been for example when there are carpet rolls to do, sofas to climb onto and off, and trees/flowers/birds/objects to point at?!

Having a baby has taught me such a lot. Not only about how awesome life is and how amazing nature is and to just slow down and take it all in more, but also about myself and what is really important and what really matters now. This (almost) year has been a big reassessment, or review I suppose, of my life, through the introduction of a new life; Paddington’s.

It’s been amazing and exciting and overwhelming and exhausting and emotional and incredible and full-on and confusing and demanding and intense and wonderful and terrifying and fulfilling and satisfying and worrying and joyous and evolving and epic all at once. And it’s all thanks to my little bear, my main man, my love, my son; my Padstar. Thanks for continually showing me the way and making my life complete little dude.

This time last year you were 3 days late. I was probably eating pineapple and bouncing up and down on a birthing ball to encourage you to come out and see the world. You were worth the wait and you are better than I ever could’ve expected. Before I get anymore soppy and bleary eyed, let’s get into the week that was.

1.Sleep yo-yo!

I am pleased to announce that we had a breakthrough last week. 2 glorious consecutive nights of Pads sleeping for 8 hours straight, without waking once. This is a first and was astonishing. Of course I checked on him throughout the night so it wasn’t 8 hours of pure sleep for me, and to be honest I don’t know what my body would do with that much sleep anymore, it’s been so long since that happened! Anyway, I digress.

The 3rd night, we had my buddy Cath over for a curry night, and I confidently started the bed routine, hopeful for a repeat of the nights just gone. Ha ha ha!!! You fool! That wasn’t a routine! Have you learnt nothing this past (almost) year?! That was an anomaly! A treat! A one, or rather, two off! What was I thinking?!

It took 2 hours to get Pads to sleep, by which point my mate Cath and Jon had already tucked into their curry as it was taking so long and I had run out of all ideas, will and energy to get the little man to sleep. I had to admit defeat as I was so hungry and tired by this point too and call in back up in the form of Jon to take over and give it a go.

Perhaps I just lost my mojo that evening, but after another 15 mins, Jon had gotten Pads off to sleep and in his cot, whilst I dejectedly and feeling rather emotionally drained to be honest, sat and chewed on a slightly cold onion bhaji.

It hasn’t been the getting him to sleep that was the issue. Pads kept falling asleep on me no problem. But as soon as he felt my body move towards the cot, he woke crying and clinging on for dear life. So I held him tight again, and rocked him ever so gently and he would fall asleep almost in an instant, so I would try and put him down again, and so on and so on. For 2 hours. It was soul destroying, and I felt like a big old failure yet again, especially after how well sleep had been the past two evenings! (funny how that insecure feeling never really goes away no matter how many times you tell it to and after so many months into this parenting game, a part of me sort of thought I would’ve had most of this nailed down by now! I know, FOOL!),

Pads then woke after 2 and a half hours, and twice more in the wee small hours, which hasn’t been his pattern of late. We have been enjoying only 1 usually, sometimes 2, wakings in a whole night. Just goes to show that nothing is a constant and things can and do always change still!

I don’t want to jinx anything but he has been going to sleep fine again the past couple of evenings and doing around 4-6 hours straight before waking, so who knows what that bad night was about?! I do think he is going through a growth spurt/teething/just being an ever changing baby still though because he has been super super cwtchy this week too…

2.Mummy’s boy cuddle monkey

This week Pads just can’t get enough of me, his old mum. He has always been a mummy’s boy, but it has stepped up a gear lately. He wants physical contact with me at all times, and has been crying a lot more if I can’t pick him up as soon as he wants it or if I need to pop to the loo or do other things that may require both my hands and attention for a short time!

It is lovely to be wanted this much and don’t get me wrong, I love the extra cwtches and attention I am getting. Most of the time. But, it is tricky to get anything done. He has even been (TMI alert!) sitting on my lap on the loo most of this week as he just cries his little heart out when I am out of his sight in the house and I can’t bear that. The ambidextrous and one handed training that having a new born instills in you is really coming in ‘handy’ again that’s for sure!

It has been cute at times as well though. When he raises his arms up to be picked up, it is virtually impossible to refuse. And when I sit or lie on the floor with him to play, he has been excitedly padding over to climb onto my chest/back/face and planting big wet kisses and nibbles all over me and trying to wrestle me or get me to roll over with him which makes him laugh out loud.

He wants to go off and play when we finish brekkie or get in from an outside venture, but then wants to hug me again within moments and be picked up, then put down again and so on. It’s as if he just needs some extra reassurance at the moment that I am always there for him and that he can be close to me whenever he wants, which of course he can.

He is going through his penultimate developmental leap according to the Wonder Weeks book, learning about the world of sequences, so this may be contributing to his need for more closeness more of the time. His world has really opened up and his abilities are getting more and more advanced each day. He is just on a huge voyage of discovery and suddenly able to do and learn so much more than ever before and this must be quite a big deal and quite overwhelming for him so I am more than happy (and honoured actually) to be there for him as his one constant in his ever changing world.

3.Milk matters

I wrote about how I was worried he may be cutting down his milk feeds recently, well, I spoke too soon. He is not cutting down! He has actually stepped up his frequency again, perhaps coinciding with his need for comfort and reassurance this week, and has even taken a bottle with a plastic teat hungrily and willingly for the first time ever with his grandma!! Now, Pads?! Almost a year in, you decide a bottle is fine to drink from?!! This boy keeps me guessing that’s for sure!

He hasn’t been drinking his expressed milk at nursery at all so far really, and last week he also drank most of that from the bottle, just without the teat on it.

On our days together, when I am not at work, he is having about 4 little milk feeds in a day now, as well as breakfast boob and bath and bed boob, so he is clearly hungry for it. And he is instigating them all quite clearly, usually by subtly tapping on my chest or just tugging at/pulling up my top!

He is still eating all of his food too and his appetite seems to have increased on that front as well, with him wanting bigger portions and to eat off of my plate after he has finished with his! Growth spurt? Greed? Like mother, like son?!!! I don’t know where he puts it all that’s for sure!

I am of course immensely proud of his appetite, for food and indeed life too. I am really pleased that he isn’t ready to quit me and my boobs just yet either, as I am so not ready to stop breastfeeding. I want my 1 year badge at the very least!

4.Handsy

A new development in Paddington’s displays of affection and appreciation/needing extra comfort this week, is a bit revealing. He has started to put his hands down my top whenever we have cwtches or he is sitting on my lap or whenever I am holding him close enough basically. Sometimes, that’s enough for him, just to know they are there but other times he wants to visually check they are there, so he starts pulling down my top and smiling when he sees his good old milk shake makers.

Now this is fine with me, I have no dignity left after giving birth and breastfeeding in public for nearly a year, but it can be embarrassing for others I reckon. We were sharing a sausage sandwich and cup of tea with our builder last weekend when Pads decided to start yanking down my vest and I could see the poor bloke desperately trying to keep his eyes fixed on his sarnie to the point that he was trying not to finish eating it after we had all long finished just so he would still have something to focus on whilst Pads and I had a tug of wills over my top!  Thanks Pads!

I also had an exciting ideas meeting this week that I had to take Paddington to as it was quite last minute, and as I was chatting with the lovely lady about things, Pads was sat on my lap, playing with a plastic cup in one hand that she had kindly given him to help distract him so we could talk for a few minutes, and with his other hand clearly right down my top and rooting around. It was one of the most bizarre meetings I have had, trying to talk, listen, contribute, engage with her, and keep a constant eye on the little guy and give him enough attention too, but she was brilliantly understanding being a mum too, and fell for Pads obvious charms, so it was a successful experience all round!

I am guessing they grow out of this grabbing and holding habit eventually?! Until then, I definitely need to wear higher necked tops to protect my modesty and other people’s sensitivities!

5.Standing still

Another new development which Pads only demonstrated yesterday and isn’t quite aware of himself yet, is that he stood still, all by himself without holding on to anything, confidently and steadily for a few seconds, on two separate occasions, and he did it again this evening very casually.

He was holding on to his walker, then took one hand off to point at something as he often does and then the other hand came away to join in the hand gestures briefly, before going back to holding on. I don’t think he really knew he had let go and was supporting his own weight but it’s a pretty exciting progression from where I’m standing! Go Pads go!

On another note, Jon got back into long boarding this week, and we took Pads out to watch his daddy skate up and down the lanes around our cottage. Well Pads just thought it was brilliant and giggled away as Jon skated next to him in the buggy and wheeled off into the distance only to turn around and skate towards him landing a nice high five on Pads excitedly waving little hands. He looked delighted at the whole experience and I am sure I saw a spark in his eyes that said he can’t wait to learn to skate like his dad when he is older!

6.Gourmet baby

As he is nearly one, his hunger and palate seem to be developing and growing too. This week we have had some pretty sophisticated meals, entertaining some lovely friends, and Pads has been really keen to taste what we were eating and has loved all of it.

We have even bought him some new bowls that have suction pads underneath so they stick to his high chair tray and he can now start feeding himself from the bowl more. He did however figure out how to unstick the bowl at the end of his dinner last night, of course! – I swear this kid should be a toy tester, he figures things out so fast! – but it lasts a good few minutes of being stable and in one spot so it’s better than a normal bowl, which he just picks up straight away and then tips out the contents or chucks the whole bowl on the floor!

His gourmet menu this week has included capers (washed of salt and cooked in a caponata style dish that is one of my signatures: aubergine funghetto – it’s so tasty!), samphire, roasted yogurt and harissa crusted trout (he could not eat this quick enough!), pasteurised goat’s cheese and fresh figs (you are never too young to appreciate cheese and fruit pairings in my opinion), and roasted baby leeks, tender stem, fennel and Spring greens sprinkled with lemon and za’tar herb mix. This kid is a gastro adventurer and that makes me so proud.

Long may this healthy attitude to food and excitement to taste new flavours last my boy. You really do take after your dad and me! I cannot wait to introduce you to cooking properly and start making recipes with you.

7.The Paddington Show

As we have recently moved to our gorgeous cottage and are in a new area, we had a visit from the lovely local health visitor – we will miss our old one as she was really sweet and really took a shine to me and Pads. The new HV brought along a student midwife and Pads took a liking to them both instantly and just decided to put on a brilliant show of his playfulness and sense of humour.

He started hiding behind the coffee table, then popping up with an cheeky expectant look on his face, much as I do when we play peek a boo in the lounge together. It was hilarious, and the lovely ladies played along saying the peek a boo he so wanted to hear and this would make him giggle away infectiously and hide again to repeat the game over and again.

Then when the HV asked me if he was starting to form any words yet, it was almost as if he heard her, so he started loudly babbling away with his favourite made up word; ‘bunga bunga bunga’, over and over. I was cracking up at this and this just made him do it even more and even louder.

As they both left they said that he was clearly a very happy and confident baby and that his social skills were outstanding, which they absolutely are. It was one of the proudest moments of my life to hear that said about my gorgeous bundle of joy by someone who had only just met him for a few minutes. He is an absolute joy to be around and he is outstanding in everything in my eyes.

Pads, I can’t believe that this is the last post I will write before you turn one. I am welling up a bit as I type this. Where did the time go?! We have so many more adventures to come my son and I have a feeling, we are just going to keep having more and more fun as each year rolls by. Paddington: the baby years, may be about to come to a close, but Paddington: the toddler years, are just around the corner, and with your ravishing good looks, luscious blonde locks, sparkling blue eyes, fun spirit and happy character, you are going to get into, and out of, a lot of trouble!

Week 50 – little drummer boy

Week 50 – 04/06/16

Week 50 feels like a big deal. We have nearly made it to a year! Come on team, this is ace. Back in those bleary eyed ever awake first few days I never thought it would be possible to be where we are now. In a place of coping, contentment, comfort and routine (it’s not rigid and doesn’t happen everyday, and it certainly wouldn’t make it into one of those blasted baby books, but it’s ours). We’re winging it still yes of course, but we’re OK with that and mostly we do a bloody grand job of looking like we all have it together, even when we don’t.

The biggest reward that this job of being a parent gives, is seeing your child happy and curious and healthy and enjoying every day. That’s the goal. That’s the end game. And if that’s what this is all about, then frankly, we are nailing it, as my boy is a smiley, giggly, good time guy full of wonder, excitement and curiosity about his world and that is testament to his character and outlook on life as well as a bit of good parenting thrown in I like to think!

So this week’s blog is dedicated to parents who are nearly at, or who have made it through the first year. You did it/are doing it! And you rock. That’s the hardest bit done…right?!!!!

1.Big Day Out

We went to Pads first big family festival at the weekend at Kate Humble’s farm in the rolling Welsh countryside and it was a lot of fun, though it was a huge shame about the rain. Rainy open fields plus babies don’t really mix that well do they? (Especially when you are still trying to use the rain cover from the bassinet version of your buggy because you’re too skint to buy the pushchair version, and it doesn’t quite fit or stay on that well.)

Before the rains came though, we had a lovely time strolling around the food tents, checking out the animals and Pads even sat through, but for a bit of wriggling and trying to high five the lady sat next to us who was very accommodating luckily!, and seemed to quite enjoy his first ever cookery demo, courtesy of my buddy and old Market Kitchen colleague, Matt Tebbutt. Pads was quite taken by watching Matt make quick flatbreads and seemed to think kneading dough was something he could be into. I agree.

We would’ve liked to have stayed longer at the festival and done more but when the rain set in, there weren’t a lot of options to take cover in and Pads was tired and restless by this point as he hadn’t been able to crawl about on the grass as we had envisaged, so we called it a day. We will be back next year though as he might be old enough and big enough to take advantage of the mini Land Rovers for kids to drive and the pony rides which looked awesome fun.

2.Clever play

I am sure every parent thinks their kid is a genius and super advanced at walking/reading/writing/whatever, however, my son clearly is a genius. No really, hear me out. This week we have been ramping up our play and I have been demonstrating different things to him one by one, a new thing each non-working day basically (as those days are purely for functioning and getting by, not for anything else even remotely approaching advancement). And he has been following my lead and copying me and then turning the game into his own. Legend. Genius, right?!

We have been doing peek a boo hiding behind things in the lounge and he is very good at hiding behind the table leg and peeking underneath the table to check where I am hiding. (Usually pretty much in plain sight, being quite a large adult human and there not being many hide options in the lounge for anyone over the age of about 3).

We’ve been working on stacking rings onto the ring tower again and this time he isn’t just pulling them off and throwing them, then delighting in grabbing the ring tower and whacking that against the floor, oh no, he has been stacking the rings on top of each other and then sometimes leaving them all stacked neatly for a time, whilst he gets on with another task. Progress! Genius progress, right?!

The game that impressed me the most though was an impromptu one. I hid a wooden shape under a plastic cup so that he could see me do it and then asked him where it was. He gave me the cheekiest grin and delighted in uncovering the shape I had hidden and then without losing my eye contact, he put the cup back on top to hide it again and smiled at me. Needless to say, I made a big fuss of him and asked him where it was again, so this game continued. And continued. For longer than I expected. He loved it, and we have played it a few times since. I think it really makes him feel clever too so it’s a winner. Bloody genius, right?!

Another big hit with me, and Pads, quite literally, was when I put our set of bongos in front of him to see what he would do and like a pro, he started hitting both drums with both of his hands. Definitely a future Dave Grohl in the making here! (He is going to love his birthday pressure for sure!) He absolutely loves drumming on things, anything, with or without a drum stick, and is showing early signs of having good rhythm and musicality, which is ace. I won’t take all the credit for that as his dad is pretty nifty on the guitar/ukulele. (Which Pads absolutely loves to listen to! He thinks his dad is the greatest player in the world, which perhaps he is?)

The last bit of play is more like training really, but we have advanced from walking with the walker – where we casually do several laps of the lounge in one go these days – to now holding our hands and taking a few steps. It’s early days with this one and he seems to tire or lose confidence quicker than when he is pushing the walker, but this is something he has had no interest in doing for a while now, so this is fab. He is proper sturdy on his pins too, he just needs to build up more confidence and he’ll be away.

He is definitely a big sponge at the moment. He is taking everything in and working things out. Some things he does now with such accomplishment I forget that he’s only just figured them out the week before. He is an inspiration. I’ll be taking a leaf out of your book son and living, learning and loving life.

3.Nearly one…

My new mantra when it comes to food this past week seems to be ‘well he’s nearly one’…so he has had some lemon cake this week – part of a brilliant goody box that the local W.I put together for us as a welcome to the village – how cute is that?! – and some victoria sponge, plus a taste of my Nutella on toast.

Needless to say he loved all of them, and was jumping up and down in his high chair and doing his adorable open and shut fist action to signal that he wanted more of that good stuff.

I figure that if he is going to have cake on his birthday, which he is, then it’s better for him to have a slow introduction to sugar and some of the finer things in life, such as chocolate, with a few tasters and morsels here and there in the lead up to his big day, so his little body and tummy get used to these new substances and hopefully then it won’t be a shock to his digestive system on his birthday. That’s my excuse anyway and I am sticking to it.

It’s really lovely to be able to share a little of these things that I enjoy and indulge in with my son too. However, it has made me realise that perhaps I indulge in them a little too much. When he’s one I’ll cut back yeah? Give me until then to still pretend I am on maternity and treating myself for ‘just’ having a baby….

4.Muesli grabber

Speaking of new food sensations, at breakfast yesterday, Pads suddenly reached over to my bowl of muesli and milk, after having finished his own brekkie of eggs and toast I might add, and quickly grabbed a handful of my mushy muesli. I was taken aback as he has never really been that interested in what I was eating when he had food too. He ate his handful, looked fairly impressed and so went back in for some more.

Not wanting to stop his new found exploration and confidence with this new food, I let him have a few more little handfuls of the milky mushed up oats, grains and raisin mix, before telling him that was enough, as I really don’t think he would’ve stopped otherwise. This ‘off’ switch that babies apparently have where they tell you they are full by turning their head or refusing food? My boy doesn’t have one of those (neither do I to be honest so I guess he gets that from me!).

It didn’t escape my attention that my muesli was not the sugar free kind so I am sure that played a part in why he liked the taste of it so much, but you know ‘he’s nearly one’…and he’s had a good grounding in the good food stuffs so far. A little of what you fancy does you good my boy.

5.Nap challenge

I am finding Pads increasingly tricky to get to nap in the day again now when it’s just me and him and we are not out and about. When we are doing stuff he pretty much always sleeps in the car on at least one of the journeys and he generally sleeps in the buggy after he has exhausted all of his looking about and babbling and pointing at ducks. And I used to be able to get him to nap on me after a bit of boob or do our (used to be) fail safe laying down bed boob and then nap in the day at home. But not anymore. He still wants and takes the boob and looks like he is going to drift off but then he pings awake and that’s it. Window missed.

His dad can get him to sleep in the day better than me now which is a punch to the parenting ego. They snuggle tightly with Pads nestled in between Jon and Jon’s arm curved around him, as Jon strokes Pads hair until he falls asleep. It’s very cute and I am almost, no, I am jealous of that technique. I have tried it and he just whines and wriggles and wants boob with me.

He also seems to nap ok at nursery, he gets so wiped out by all the excitement and stimulation that he just falls asleep, after plenty of grizzling however. They can sometimes put him down in the cot too, though not always.

He is a tricky little napper for his grandparents too, again mainly going off in the car or on a long walk or needing to be snuggled and laid with after refusing to go into his cot. Neither of his grandma’s mind having him to snuggle with though so that works fine.

Part of, but not the whole reason, that he is trickier to nap at the moment is his blasted chesty cough that just won’t go away and his constant snotty nose. Often when he is just about to go to the land of nod, he starts coughing and that’s that. He is awake and annoyed and we are back to square one.

He has had the cough and snotty nose for weeks now. And I mean weeks, so actually it’s months. I took him to our new doctors and they were very thorough checking him over and luckily didn’t find any cause for concern. Annoyingly it’s just a cough and cold that he will just have to grow out of. But when?! It’s starting to get us all down and stop him from napping and sleeping as well as he should/could be.

6.Speaking ill

Speaking of being ill, ever since I went back to work and Pads started nursery, I have been unwell with one thing or another. He has had a perma cold and cough as mentioned above but otherwise, touch wood, he has been fine. I am like a sickly Victorian child and have never had so many ailments one after the other. I’m not a hardy old girl don’t get me wrong, but I am usually much healthier than this.

It feels as if the 11 and a bit months of little to no sleep and all the pregnancy disturbed nights are all catching up on me at once and I have no stamina or energy to fight any bug or virus that comes my way at the moment. It’s really not cool. I need to go on a massive health kick or something (stop eating cake you say?!), or sleep for a week (ha ha ha!!).

From the weird noro virus thing I had in Scotland to getting a cold to tonsillitis to then having food poisoning and then last week I got conjunctivitis in one eye – I have never had an eye infection in my life and it is horrid. I was starting to scare people my eye was so red and raw and weeping.

Just as I was getting over that, after getting some good drops from the docs, it’s started appearing in my other eye now! Are you kidding me?!! And I have been feeling decidedly fluey the past 2 days too and almost lost my voice yesterday. Today I sound like Mariella Frostrup and Brian Blessed had a baby. I have Pads cough too and have been snotty for weeks. Perhaps we keep passing germs back and forth? I don’t know. But it has to stop. I have to get healthy. This is shit.

So less cake, more fruit. More sleep (ha!), less Netflix of an evening. More fresh air (though I really do get a heck of a lot of this already) and perhaps more exercise (walking and playing with a baby probably don’t count for much do they?!).

And the same for the little guy too. I am upping his fruit and veg intake and fresh air exposure. We will beat his persistent cold and get rid of that nasty old man’s cough once and for all!

Here’s to a healthy and happy last couple of weeks of little man’s first year!